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February 28, 2005 | by  | in Opinion |
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Hardest Things to Say When You’re Drunk

1. Specificity
2. Loquatious Transubstantiate
3. Nope, no more drink for me
4. Sorry, you’re not my type
5. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex

Fine Print in the Kyoto Protocol:

1. No Fat Chicks
2. If all else fails, nuke the whales
3. Reader beware – you’re in for a scare!
4. Printed on non-recyclable paper
5. May contain traces of nuts

Most Difficult Parts of the Body to Photocopy:

1. Adam’s Apple
2. A single nostril
3. Back of your knee
4. Peritineal Gland
5. Pride

New Snack Food Ideas:

1. Big Bag O’ Glutimate
2. Ashpops
3. Cheese-flavoured beer
4. N&Ns
5. Shittles

Things We’ll Regret at the Armageddon:

1. All the time we spent watching Friends
2. Paying $12 to see Armageddon
3. That world peace never got a chance
4. Not repenting
5. The 80s

Real Reasons for Bush’s Visit to Europe:

1. Amsterdam
2. The Chirac-Schroeder Menage
3. To get a Royale with Cheese
4. To visit EuroDisney
5. Shopping for handbags

Top 5 Causes of World War Two:

1. Resentment over the Treaty of Versailles
2. The rise of Fascism in Italy, Germany and Japan
3. The ineffectiveness of the League of Nations
4. The shooting of Archduke Franz Ferdinand
5. Appeasement and the capitulation at Munich in 1938

Places the Asian Tsunami Should Have Struck:

1. Long Island
2. Miami/Dade County
3. Ohio
4. San Francisco
5. Anywhere along the coast of Texas 1. Specificity
2. Loquatious Transubstantiate
3. Nope, no more drink for me
4. Sorry, you’re not my type
5. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex

Fine Print in the Kyoto Protocol:

1. No Fat Chicks
2. If all else fails, nuke the whales
3. Reader beware – you’re in for a scare!
4. Printed on non-recyclable paper
5. May contain traces of nuts

Most Difficult Parts of the Body to Photocopy:

1. Adam’s Apple
2. A single nostril
3. Back of your knee
4. Peritineal Gland
5. Pride

New Snack Food Ideas:

1. Big Bag O’ Glutimate
2. Ashpops
3. Cheese-flavoured beer
4. N&Ns
5. Shittles

Things We’ll Regret at the Armageddon:

1. All the time we spent watching Friends
2. Paying $12 to see Armageddon
3. That world peace never got a chance
4. Not repenting
5. The 80s

Real Reasons for Bush’s Visit to Europe:

1. Amsterdam
2. The Chirac-Schroeder Menage
3. To get a Royale with Cheese
4. To visit EuroDisney
5. Shopping for handbags

Top 5 Causes of World War Two:

1. Resentment over the Treaty of Versailles
2. The rise of Fascism in Italy, Germany and Japan
3. The ineffectiveness of the League of Nations
4. The shooting of Archduke Franz Ferdinand
5. Appeasement and the capitulation at Munich in 1938

Places the Asian Tsunami Should Have Struck:

1. Long Island
2. Miami/Dade County
3. Ohio
4. San Francisco
5. Anywhere along the coast of Texas

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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