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March 13, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Reasons why Brokeback Mountain didn’t win Best Picture

1. Hollywood still makes homosexuals wear pink triangles
2. Since when do arty films win Best Picture at the Oscars?
3. The Academy refuses to see a queer film until it shows cock in ass
4. What kind of name is Brokeback Mountain? Sounds like a film about fags
5. Because Crash did

People/Things Who Will Also Judge Tony Blair

1. His children
2. His voters
3. History
4. The Iraqis
5. Salient (you’re a douche Tony)

New Career Choices for Rosita after NZ Idol

1. Jingle singer
2. Fried chicken cook
3. Guest appear-er
4. Dole mum
5. Obscurity

Reasons we don’t need a speed limit

1. We should all be smoking pot anyway
2. We’ve all been well-trained by car-racing video games
3. Speeding tickets
4. Cars have 240 km on the speedometer.
5. Our roads are as straight as the Autobahn

Unregistered domain names

1. www.abortedbabiesclub.com
2. www.bringbackBarney.com
3. www.infectedabscesspics.com
4. www.monkeyfight.com
5. www.douchedisposal.com

Ideas we had for the last category that actually are registered

1. www.nakedpoliticians.com
2. www.www.vaginatransplant.com
3. www.homelesspeople.com (how do homeless people check this????)
4. www.rabies.com
5. www.ihateblackpeople.com

Things you don’t see much anymore

1. Whales
2. Integrity
3. Doogie Howser
4. People at fees protests
5. Ernest movies

Things God always wanted to tell you

1. No
2. Jesus was adopted
3. The Jews actually are the chosen people
4. He likes to watch you fuck
5. Dogs go to Hell

Reasons why you should really be going to lectures by now

1. Drinking is getting boring
2. To get an extension on your first essay
3. To find somebody you can pimp for notes
4. So you can afford to skip them next week
5. To make sure your lecturer is not a hottie

More appropriate names for the U.S.

1. Land of the Free Range Chickens
2. A bunch of Christians and black people
3. Guns ‘R Us
4. West Israel
5. Formerly known as Native American land

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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