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April 3, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Bran-Power

Now I am a socially conscious person. I buy my eggs free-range because I abhor the conditions that create them. It’s only fair – we are taking away their offspring. But what about Easter eggs? Seemed like a good time for Bran-Power to ring Cadbury to find out.

Cadbury: Welcome to Consumer Services, this is C——-

Bran-Power: I’m just calling about eggs, seeing as it’s Easter and that, and I was wondering how you guys make your eggs?

C: We have molds – in half of the molds we’ll put chocolate and then they’ll put chocolate into the other one and put the pieces together and rotate it.

B: Sounds pretty…full-on.

C: Yeah.

B: Are the eggs made in healthy conditions?

C: Oh yeah everything’s cleaned, every time they make a batch or something. There’s general cleaning procedures put in place for that kind of thing.

B: Is there plenty of space?

C: Not sure, I haven’t been in the actual part where they make the Easter eggs.

B: So you’re not sure if the conditions are too cramped or anything like that?

C: I wouldn’t think that they were – they’d be up to legal standards.

B: So you monitor that process?

C: Yep, absolutely.

B: Do you think that improves the quality of the eggs?

C: I’m not too sure sorry.

B: Do they make them bigger?

C: Make what bigger?

B: The eggs, well that’s why I figured they’re brown.

C: Well they just make the sizes that they have. Just a regular – I think they’re 200 grams.

B: Do you think you guys should advertise the fact that they’re made in good conditions?

C: If they had the need to do so.

B: How would you tell if they’re not made with this standard? Would they be too creamy or something?

C: [pause] I don’t know what you’re getting at, sorry

B: Oh, ok. You can categorically say your eggs are free range?

C: [long pause] No….free range eggs? Are you talking about eggs or Easter eggs?

B: Easter eggs of course. Are your Easter eggs free range?

C: That’s not a question I can answer

B: That’s cool. Thanks for that. Cheers

C: Thank you, bye bye.

There you go folks – you make your own mind up.

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About the Author ()

Brannavan Gnanalingam has come a long way from being born in the teeming metropolis of Colombo, Sri Lanka. He may be known as feature writer for Salient, but is also the only man in history to have simultaneously donated both his kidneys. He is also an amateur rapper going under the moniker Brantank and hopes to win a Grammy.

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