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May 27, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Better Things to Put in Your Mouth than Chuppa-Chups

1. Starbursts
2. Roosters
3. Your thumb
4. Your best friend’s thumb
5. Yo’ Momma!

Most Sacred Things to North Islanders

1. Palmerston North
2. Coffee
3. Maoris
4. The Cook Strait
5. The Sky Tower

Needed Public Holidays

1. Steak and Blow-Job Day
2. Baggy Clothes Day
3. Catch a Nigger by the Toe Day
4. J-Day (VUWSA, you know what to do)
5. 27th of March Remembrance Day

Most Sacred Things to South Islanders

1. Shrek
2. The National Front
3. Rain
4. Incest
5. Yellow Eyed Penguins

Reasons why David Parker’s resignation came as such a shock

1. Lawyers aren’t crooks
2. We hadn’t won a gold medal at the Commonwealth Games for a while
3. It wasn’t David Benson-Pope
4. We’re actually falling for National’s holier-than-thou schtick
5. It was the same day David

Ways to Scam the Student Loan System

1. Borrow to the max and invest
2. Get someone else i.e the government to pay your university fees
3. A BCA
4. Be a student for the rest of your life. It’s a good little income.
5. It’s interest free! Spend it on something nice

Real-life cartoons that are potentially more offensive than the Mohammed cartoons

1. Holocaust cartoons
2. Aborto, the human foetus (he has a bowler hat)
3. The 50 funniest moments in kiddie porn
4. Garfield – How the fuck did Jim Davis pimp out the same joke for the last 35 years?
5. South Park


1. Arnie
2. The National Party
3. Rugby passes
4. Religion
5. Special Olympic Games throwing events

Top 5 short people

1. Michael J. Fox
2. Frodo
3. Napoleon
4. Mother Theresa
5. Danny DeVito

Crap Religions

1. Scientology
2. Judaism
3. The rest of them

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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Editor's Pick

I’m Not Sure How I Feel: Disillusionment With Elections

: - SPONSORED - This post-election sentiment was written prior to the election, due to both the limitations of print and the pervasiveness of this disillusionment beyond the election’s outcome. If there was a revolution over the weekend, some of these thoughts can be disregarded.