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July 20, 2006 | by  | in Online Only |
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Barry White died a very fat man…

And that my friends is a fact. In my quest to procrastinate I came across an article about White’s last tour. Turns out he was booked on a circular stage, and half the crowd got refunds because he was so fat that he couldn’t swivel. That’s fat.

But that is an ultimately pointless way to start a blog. It’s past 11pm and Ben and Nicola and myself have entered in that special time of night where it’s just us. People stay around for a free meal and a needlessly heated conversation about politics or the Simpsons (or whatever) but no one but the necessary members stay past 11 or 12pm. Especially when it’s the Te Reo issue, a contractual obligation of any Salient Editor and the least read issue of the year. So aside from myself and Ben, there hasn’t been that much to do this week. It’s been kind of frustrating. Not making the issue, but just not being in control for the week. It’s hard to get that into an issue you aren’t one hundred percent invested in, and don’t have a say in. I’m doing my best – it’s just this week is a stark change from being involved one hundred percent in every single part of everything. I’m tired, too. I’m listening to the Bambi Molesterers, which is probably too apocalyptic for this time of night. All angst aside, Maryjane and Le-roy did a good job of being me for a week.

Anyone who is anyone will be kicking back at the Salient shindig tomorrow night. Free beer. Here’s hoping that no-one I have to work in close proximity with sleeps with each other. Aside from that, I’m going to be researching new life churches in Wellington this weekend for issue 16. (Which will also feature an article on Creationism, a feature on Green’s co-leader Russell Norman, some good ol’ fashioned Jesus Week guff, and a feature either on Taika Cohen or Victoria’s involvement in the Springbok tour – depending on what day we get to talk to Taika). I’ll probably watch a festival film or two as well.

What’s the gossip in the office you ask? Ben is now the only bearded man and Brannavan is still black. Aside from that VUWSA and NT had some sort of meeting except all they seemed to be doing is giggling and eating pizza. I got two slices and a mallowpuff. They had Dominoes, and we had Hell for dinner, so an interesting comparison. Hell won, and by a length too. Andrew the receptionist left, which sucks, because he ripped stuff off the internet for me and let me hang out when I was hiding. He’s going to visit his girlfriend in China for a few years. Whipped. Nick Kelly was hanging out with the Marae cats earlier on. An awkward marriage. Caroline Prendergast called me fat. Yes, it is achingly apparent this job hasn’t been great for my physique. Oh yeah, there’s a by-election too, but I’m guessing more people will vote for Academic Idol.

I’m depressed about the global scenario at the moment. Bush has categorically made the Middle East worse and when he is not fucking things up for the world and making it a generally unsafe place to live in, he’s being a Christian conservative dickhead
at home. I’m just annoyed. It’s so futile to try and settle the middle Eastern conflict when the USA are so tied up by this straw bogeyman called the “Jewish vote”. Israel gets away with murder, the whole world resents Israel, the USA does nothing, everyone resents the USA, Middle Eastern violence continues to be the wallpaper of our lives. It’s gone on for my whole lifetime. And I don’t see it ending.

This made me giggle. Fox News is the greatest theatre on planet earth. I sometimes hope that it’s actually just achingly dry Rupert Murdoch sanctioned satire.

On the home front, Winston Peters has kind of dominated the last two days ha? Sigh. But in case you focussed on that and missed two of the best news stories for a while that might have slipped under the radar, the police prostitute and the mum who beat her kid for spilling shoe polish, follow the links. In the police story, try and spot the huge gaff in the first few lines. A police as a prostitute. Funny. Police get paid well. well, much better than I. Maybe I should sell myself? Am I gorgeous? Or what?

This Mint Chicks story is pretty neat and made the news everywhere (kind of surprising) and I took that from CNN. I wanted to go to that concert so badly. But I was working. At least I can take penance now. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ ‘Show Your Bones’ is probably the coolest album of the year.

Aside from that, this video is the best Star War’s pisstake I’ve seen, alongside Eddie Izzard’s riff of Darth Vader in the cafeteria. And this link is for a) any Kevin Smith fan (director, not dead Kiwi icon) and b) any hater of bullshit institutionalised American film critics. As a side note, the Superficial is a great way to waste time.

Hamish, the web guy, taught us how to link today. It show’s huh?

Mood: Ready for the weekend. Tired, with a hint of party animal.
Song: Elvis Presley: ‘Suspicous Minds’ (going out to Israel and Lebannon)
Beef with humanity? It’s late, so pretty much everything. No one has spoken in this office for about an hour. Wait, Nicola just spoke.

Jerry Springer’s parting thought. What is the origin of the phrase ‘doesn’t quite cut the mustard’? I know I always wanted to know.

Thank you to Gmail, for providing those near pointless links above your email that freakishly tie into a word or phrase in the actual email. How do they do that? Terminator is just around the corner.

Have a good weekend and all.

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About the Author ()

James Robinson is a university dropout turned journalist who likes to pretend he has an honours degree. Turn ons include soup, scarfs, a hot bath and some FM-smooth Kenny G-esque instrumental jazz. Turn offs include student politicians, the homeless, and people who pronounce it supposebly.

Comments (8)

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  1. Joanna says:

    I went to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but I didn’t see the ceiling falling down – I wish I had though. That said, I did arrive halfway through the Mint Chicks, and it was loud. I stood at the back and wished that I’d brought ear plugs, and then I felt really old. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs were fucking awesome, but I could have done without all the very young very drunk Karen O wannabes running around shrieking everywhere.

  2. Is it like a year already? I remember subbing Maori content (i.e. written in Maori) at like 1 in the morning. I imagine it would have been easier if I undestood much Maori at all…

  3. Havelock High says:

    James, the last time I spoke to you Frenzal Rhomb was your favourite band. Is it still your favourite band? Do you still wear your Frenzal Rhomb tee-shirts?

    Are you too cool for Frenzal Rhomb now? Loser.

  4. billbo says:

    he is too cool for most things

  5. What? Declare yourself Havelock High. I am too cool for nothing.

    Just last night I watched Two Weeks Notice on TV and enjoyed Hugh Grant’s watchable affabillity.

  6. Administrator says:

    James just for the record, I am very impressed with your new-found hyperlinking abilities. Make sure you add these to your CV in the “Skills” section.

    -H

  7. jess says:

    i heard james is so cool that frenzal rhomb’s favourite magazine is salient

  8. John Hartnett says:

    aaaand, sooooo, where’s the link to the Barry White article? we’re gonna take your word for this? nope.

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