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July 24, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Nga Tinana Werawera (Hot Maori Bodies)

1. Sonny Bill (He whangai)
2. Rico Gear
3. Carlos Spencer with his Toffee Pops
4. Daniel Carter (Closet Maori)
5. Parekura Horomia
(He wahine purotu nga wahine Maori katoa – Ed.)

NGA PAPARAKAAUTA ME NGA KAARAPU TUMEKE (CHOICE BARS AND CLUBS)

1. Te Local (The Local)
2. Kei Paa (K Bar)
3. Waka rererangi (Jet)
4. Te Rangi Kahurangi (Blue Note)
5. Te Lab (The Lab)

CAPPUCCINO MAKERS

1. The one down by the railway station.
Draw an ace and your coffee’s free.
2. Crazy Lounge
3. Mount Street Café and Bar
4. McDonalds Café
5. Wild Bean (BP)

KIWAHA

1. Mean Maori Mean
2. Raho tautau
3. Mauri ora ki te chur!
4. Wick…ed
5. Gran, what’s for lunch?

WICKED VUWSA MAKEOVERS

1. Nickwick Kelly (A haircut and Dax)
2. Nickwick O’Kane (A hoodie, Vans, jeans)
3. Caroline Prenderwick (A long skirt, turtle neck top and
giant hoop earrings)
4. Joel Coswick (Swap the helmet for a G-Unit cap)
5. The restwick (A blanket and a packet of tobacco)

WICKED NGAI TAUIRA MAKEOVERS

1. MJ Waruwick (No. 1 and dye it blonde)
2. Tuwick Temara (No. 2 and dye it blonde)
3. Michelle Bartwick (No. 3 and dye it blonde)
4. Renwick Simmiss (No. 4. Mullet styles and dye it blonde)
5. Jowick Chell (No. 5 and dye it purple)

BEERS

1. Tui
2. Lion Red
3. Steinlager
4. Speights
5. Monteiths

WORST BEERS

1. Waikato Draught
2. Lion Brown
3. Double Brown
4. Flame
5. Rhineck
(Bring back the flagons! – Ed.)

TOILET PAPER

1. Sorbent
2. Purex 3-ply with prints
3. Signature range. It takes a couple flushes…
4. Tissue paper
5. Salient. It’s a bit rough around the edges (Come on people, we’ve all
thought about it)

THINGS TO DO DURING TE WIKI O TE REO

1. Korero Maori
2. Make some porōne
3. Come to the Ngai Tauira Quiz night
4. Vote at the Ngai Tauira Elections (Tauira Maori)
5. Watch Maori Television

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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LOCKED-OUT

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Locked Out

: - SPONSORED - The first prisons in New Zealand were established in the 1840s, and there are now 18 prisons nationwide.¹ According to the Department of Corrections, the prison population was 10,035 in March — of which, 50.9% are Māori, 32.0% are Pākehā, 11.0% are Pasifika, a