Viewport width =
July 17, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Worst Names for a Strip Club

  1. Hitler Loves Poles
  2. Stumpy’
  3. Clothes’R’Us
  4. Smelly’s
  5. Up Yours

Secrets revealed in the Gospel of Judas

  1. Jesus had a third nipple
  2. Don’t believe the Da Vinci Code
  3. Thirty pieces of silver went quite a way in Judea back in 33
  4. Matthew was a narc
  5. The Virgin Mary was a m.i.l.f.

Part-time jobs for rap stars

  1. Dentists
  2. Collecting scrap metal
  3. Role-model
  4. Speech therapist
  5. Undercover in the Mafia

Things not to do on a rugby field

  1. Pash
  2. Play hide and seek
  3. Take a dive and roll around four times
  4. Reveal your membership in the National Front
  5. Streak with clothes on

Things that confuse us about soup

  1. Is it a food or a drink?
  2. Can it be converted back into a solid vegetable?
  3. Isn’t gazpacho soup just bean pudding?
  4. Why is chicken soup yellow?
  5. Could diarrhoea technically be considered soup?

Bad things to find in a locker room

  1. Broomsticks
  2. A glory hole
  3. Pack of wild dogs
  4. Soap with ground magnets
  5. Pictures of porn in the shower

New mascots for the Hurricanes

  1. Alvin the Asthma Inhaler
  2. Saladin the Crusader Conqueror
  3. Captain Cake Icing
  4. Herbie the Happy Homo
  5. Jerry the Pisser

Things you don’t want to see in the mirror

  1. A moustache
  2. The faint outline of a team of psychologists/prosecutors
  3. No reflection at all
  4. Old age
  5. A pair of feet sticking out from under the bed

Ways in which your parents fucked you up

  1. By videotaping the time they first caught you masturbating
  2. By deep-frying all your salads
  3. By leaving you behind
  4. By telling you they regret the adoption every time you forget to do the dishes
  5. By getting you to chronicle their attempt of having another child

Insights about Zinedine Zidane’s headbutt

  1. It probably wasn’t the best time to react after 34 years of racial abuse
  2. It was a fucking good headbutt
  3. Those I-ties are a bunch of greasy pizza eating fascists
  4. Violence doesn’t belong in a sport played by pansies
  5. How cool a name is “Zinedine Zidane”?
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (1)

Trackback URL / Comments RSS Feed

  1. feo says:

    thats fucking gayyyy pride

Recent posts

  1. Losing Metiria
  2. Blind Spot
  3. Aspie on Campus
  4. Issue 17
  5. Australian Sexual Assault Report Released
  6. The Swimmer
  7. European Students Association Re-emerges
  8. Can of Worms!
  9. A Monster Calls — J. A. Bayona
  10. Snapchat is a Girl’s Best Friend and Other Shit Chat
LOCKED-OUT

Editor's Pick

Locked Out

: - SPONSORED - The first prisons in New Zealand were established in the 1840s, and there are now 18 prisons nationwide.¹ According to the Department of Corrections, the prison population was 10,035 in March — of which, 50.9% are Māori, 32.0% are Pākehā, 11.0% are Pasifika, a