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August 7, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Insurance

Prostitutes get a bad rap. Policemen can’t be them, university students can’t be them, nor can fifteen-year old girls. But what I’m sure everybody is wondering, is whether they can get income protection insurance.

G: Welcome to Axa New Zealand, this is G——.

B: Hi I’m calling about income protection insurance. Do you guys do that?

G: Sure, sure. We definitely do that. You wanting to take out insurance?

B: Yeah, just seeing if I’m eligible.

G: Ok, sure.

B: I’m a male prostitute, I’m wondering if you guys cover that? Is that a problem?

G: That’s a very good question…I actually don’t know. I suppose we would. You’ll have to be able to prove your own earnings over the last two to three years.

B: Which is a bit dodgy. I leave it for my pimp Sam to sort it out. I think he’s a National supporter.

G: Sure.

B: It’s a pretty good income, we can earn up $900 a night. Which isn’t too bad. Though I might need a bit of protection in case I get beaten up and can’t fulfil my usual standards.

G: Sure I can put you on hold for a moment. I’ll just check with my underwriting to see if you were covered. If that’s the case, I’ll put you in touch with one of our advisors and they’ll help you out. I’ll just be a moment. [on hold listening to Eric Clapton’s Change the World]

G: Hi thank you for holding. So I’ve been advised… by our underwriting that… it’s… not covered because of the high risk.

B: What if I double bag it. Could that reduce the risk? Or keep a syringe of blood in my shoe?

G: I…don’t…know. I think it’s just something that’s generally excluded.

B: Ok that’s cool.

G: Ok? Great, well thank you for your call.

B: Thanks for your time, bye

G: Bye bye.

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About the Author ()

Brannavan Gnanalingam has come a long way from being born in the teeming metropolis of Colombo, Sri Lanka. He may be known as feature writer for Salient, but is also the only man in history to have simultaneously donated both his kidneys. He is also an amateur rapper going under the moniker Brantank and hopes to win a Grammy.

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