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August 14, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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My Eyes are Bleeding: A week is a long time in news when you actually pay attention

The Antidote
There is this fallacy that we will all act like informed individuals in everything we do. That in accordance with some liberal wet dream, at every school council vote, general election and bake sale we will all read up like robo-geeks so that we can all sit back and say that democracy was served. That everyone had all the information and acted accordingly as free-thinking entities and be smart as fuck. This is a lie perpetrated on a scale greater than Santa Claus. Because at least little Timmy (and his bike that never came because that letter he wrote to Santa ended up in an offal pit in Eketahuna) at least grew up and realised that the idea that a fat cunt eating 20 bajillion badly made cookies, while drinking 20 bajillion bottles of beer while traveling around the world in one night delivering presents to every child in the world (even those children that believe that god is a multi-nippled elephant), is a little ridiculous when you turn five. Adults take this one to the grave because they figure that all they really have to do is pick up the news section of the stinking Dominion Post and they are up to speed. I have read the Dominion Post for longer than I’d like to face up to and I still only didn’t vote for Don Brash because he reminded me of someone who probably used ketamine to get laid when he was a kid. I was put in no greater stead by the traditional media to work out who was the bigger cunt. Because as much as they would like to make you think that they were out to inform you about the affairs of the day, the mainstream press always get distracted satisfying their requirements as an actual commodity.

The internet, created by porn crazed robots in the mid 1990s as a way to quickly share their individually collected information on the incoming Robot revolution, is somewhat of an antidote to the general everyday crap you get served up on TV and in the newspapers. Aaah, I can see some of you out there getting steamed up and thinking to themselves: “Casablo you fucking jerk off! Business still rules on the internet! What about the evil new conglomerate Time-Warner-AOL-Cyanide-Apple-Microsoft! They’re business! And they’re on the internet!”

Well, yeah. There are business interests on the internet. But the internet (so-far) isn’t a commodity, sites are still free. (This is changing by the day as some filthy newspaper sites charge money now.) And even the Los Angeles Times still gives you free news if you watch some sedated bimbo drive a Ford. So they’re not trying to get you to pick them up with shitty headlines. You’re already there. And once you’re inside, they’re not as obsessed with ordering you around and with context and with pulling your eye towards snappy pictures of the ‘happy monkey that used Viagra’. They’ve got breathing room. And sure they’re stories can still be occasionally badly written and biased – but if you read around, its normally fairly easy to get a good picture of things. The BBC, while being about as sexy as Prince Charles’ penchant for dirty talk, is an excellent source of news, though it is sans personality (but with that, sans bias). They even email you the news each day for free. God bless the Robots. So will CNN, but it’s a little bit more American in approach, and a little bit more shit. I also recommend the Los Angeles Times and New York Times websites. And Salon.com. They all provide excellent news, without coming in the restricted, restrained, tired and boring frame of television and print news.

If however you think that you must escape any sort of sponsorship, advertising, and, dare I say it, resources to do anything half researched and decent (did I just go there? So worth it…) you could try the whole “indymedia” thing. But it just smells of ‘hippie’, and even worse, also conjures up an image of some over the top, tight jean clad, socially conscious alt-rocker (smelling like constructed apathy). They do however do a good line in “Princess Diana isn’t dead she was actually responsible for blowing up the Twin Towers” conspiracy.

I know I’ve focused on World news, but nothing of global importance happens in New Zealand. Scoop.co.nz is boring, but it’s still informative – a little better that than the regurgitated filth that stuff.co.nz merely throws on line thoughtlessly. Although much maligned (and Jesus Christ I’m going soft by merely giving these clowns a casually cocked eyebrow) the whole blog scene is a pretty good way to stay up to play in New Zealand. Because we are a small and silly country with people who can still get close to our leaders. And if people want to make websites and comment on politics on them for fun, I trust them a whole lot more than the suits that do it for a buck or two. (Publicaddress.net is a good place to start, Kiwiblog.co.nz is okay too if Don Brash gives you a hard on.) And that I guess is a very squashed 900-word rant on the internet, by far the least frustrating way of staying with the times.

The Dominion Post Story That’s Not Really A Story Of The Week

This goes hands down to the whole stupid Maori violence is genetic thing. That is not news, it’s just something the Dominion made up because they think it’s funny to be racist.

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About the Author ()

ABANDONED AT birth, Casablo was raised on the street, honing a never say die attitude and a taste for the blood of babies and puppies. One day Casablo looked up at the newspaper that had so loyally kept him warm at night and was horrified at what stared back at him, making it his life goal to fight the system in the most horribly ineffectual of ways. When not writing – or pretending to be inebriated – Casablo runs a horribly unsuccessful private detective agency with his crime-fighting partner, Fifi Mimosa.

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