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September 11, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Hints That Your Psychic Might Not Be All She’s Cracked Up To Be

1. The fact she “goes to the toilet” everytime a police siren goespast
2. The fact she didn’t know you were coming
3. There’s an eerie similarity to the morning’s horoscope
4. Poverty
5. Her three divorces

Things not to feed a baby

1. Curry
2. Their own nappies
3. Mice
4. Chicken bones
5. Absinthe

Insights about the French

1. If they build an Arc de Triomphe when they lose, what do they do when they win?
2. And have they ever won?
3. And before you start, Napoleon was Corsican
4. And he still lost
5. Plus they smell

Ways to Commemorate September 11, 2001

1. Taking flight lessons
2. Another fucking documentary
3. International Day of Fear
4. Racism
5. By moving on

Things not to do in a hospital

1. Suck off anybody in quarantine.
2. Yell “I dare you God, I fucking dare you!”
3. Walk around in a Grim Reaper costume.
4. Scream “Fire!” in the Burn Ward.
5. Pretend to be anaetheticised.

Things that are going to happen to you when you get old

1. Cataracts
2. Arthritis
3. Loose bowels
4. Cancer
5. Death

Honest phrases to put on baby tee-shirts

1. “Incubator”
2. “Slapper on Lay-by”
3. “You’re so ugly that if you were a triplet, you’d be the one on the bottle”
4. “The Kahui Fight Club”
5. “Tea-bag Me”

Childhood characters who must have turned out ga

1. George from the Famous Five
2. The kid who played Charlie in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
3. Bert from Sesame Street
7. Snugglepuss
8. Stephanie from Full House

New euphemisms for taking someone’s virginity

1. Deseeding the pomegranate
2. Mutilating the hymen
3. Breaking the seal (do not purchase if already open)
4. Parting the Red Sea
5. Goring the Spaniard

Types of booger

1. The spiky one
2. The hairy one
3. The one where you know it exists, but you just can’t find it
4. The bloody one
5. The hanger

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Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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