Viewport width =
September 25, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter


The other day, Branpower received a call. It’s not meant to happen the other way around, and suddenly Branpower was put on the spot. So, obviously this conversation is not going to be entirely accurate as there was no recording ability – so I can’t remember the names. I was also drunk. (Thanks must go to Isobel McAlpine who came up with this – congrats on becoming a grandma!) This is also a prank that you, faithful reader, can play as well.

B: Hello?

S: Hi there. How are you this evening?

B: This isn’t Mum is it?

S: No I’m calling from [some survey company]

B: Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else.

S: Oh ok. I’m calling from [whatever this survey company’s name is] and I was wondering if you’re free to talk for a couple of minutes.

B: Um….sure. Just give me a minute. I’m running my baby a bath, do you mind holding for a second. Branpower left the phone up-turned, sounded all gooey in the background and just went and poured himself another drink.

B: Sorry about that. I’m looking after the baby tonight. My wife went for a night out with the girls. I don’t know why she took her suitcase, but you know, it’s probably going to be a biggie.

S: First I have to ask some general questions to see if you fi t the demographic we need for this particular survey. Are you the owner of this house?

B: Well if you don’t count the landlord, sure.

S: So you’re a tenant?

B: What is a tenant really. After all, let’s not get bogged down in semantics. I prefer to call myself the inhabitant.

S: Ok. What age bracket do you fi t in?

B: I’m 25-30. I’m a vet too, I treat animals. Sick animals. This goes on for a while. He starts asking about some mobile phone usage. I was hoping he was going to ask for my political affi liations, so I could mention I wanted the McGillicuddy Serious Party to come back into the reckoning, but no…

S: Do you own more than one mobile phone?

B: Holy shit. Wait a minute. I’ll be right back.

[Branpower leaves the phone upturned]


[Branpower runs to the phone]

B: Gotta go. Bye.

[Branpower hangs up]

Branpower waits to make sure no ambulance comes, and pours another drink.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. Laneway: Luck of the Draw
  2. Cuttin’ it with with Miss June
  3. SWAT
  4. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  5. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  6. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  7. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  8. Presidential Address
  9. Final Review
  10. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided