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October 9, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Attractions at www.amish.com

1. Bare ankles
2. ‘Rate My Barn’ section
3. Butterchurning tips
4. Best Beards 2006
5. Buggy maintenance

Things to Get as Engagement Presents

1. A $10 voucher to the Warehouse
2. Marriage counselling
3. 30 feet of sausage
4. An ‘I slept with your fiancee’ card
5. A pair of cold feet

Campaign Slogans for Don Brash in the Next Election

1. Taxes are for Poor People
2. Stud
3. The Brown-Brasher
4. Finger Lickin’ Good
5. A rich white man you can trust

Things not to do Into The Wind

1. Use smoke signals
2. Run uphill
3. Wank
4. Flamethrowing
5. Cast a vote

News You Just Don’t Like Hearing

1. I’m pretty sure that was poisonous
2. . . . and it’s not yours, but we’re still getting married, right?
3. Family Guy has been cancelled
4. Death missing as the rest of the Horseman run rampage
5. There’s a nationwide condom recall

Disney Cartoons That Never Made It

1. Mein Kampf
2. Bambi 2: Mother’s Revenge
3. Fetal Force 5
4. When Aladdin Met Osama
5. Oedipus Rex

Things Rabbis do with Cut-off Foreskins

1. Marinate them
2. Pencil holders
3. Sausage stuffing
4. Leave them as a “tip”
5. Give them to Catholic priests

Things That Almost Made it Into The US Constitution

1. An amendment stipulating that “thou who smelt it, didst dealt it”
2. Contains no preservatives
3. All men are created equal . . . but some are more equal than others
4. A MAD-style fold-in of Jefferson and Franklin fucking Martha
5. Slavery is illegal

Peter Jackson’s Next Movie

1. Tetris
2. King Kong: The remake
3. Herpes: the movie
4. Lord of the Dance: Michael Flatley Finds The Ring
5. Another fucking awesome zombie movie again, please?

Phrases That Can Easily Be Taken Out of Context

1. Yeah, but we do so much with hookers
2. We sent her to a farm
3. Islamic fundamentalism isn’t so bad
4. My best friend in primary school was Maori
5. Quilting is the shit

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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