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October 9, 2006 | by  | in News |
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Blind Dating

You know the drill, one boy and one girl, both completely foreign to each other, and one free meal. We hook it up (courtesy of The Establishment and a $200 meal at their fine restaurant), step right out and let love take it’s course… et cetera. And by love we actually mean subtle character observations and never getting it on. The catch? You both owe us 400 words. To take part in future blind dating email editor@salient.org.nz with some details about yo’ self.

HIM

BILLS AND MOONS BLIND DATE

I strode into The Establishment, silhouetted by the dying rays of the sun as it slowly sank below the horizon. It was luxuriously furnished with silk curtains, plush chairs and crisp linen tablecloths.

Glancing at my watch I was satisfied, fashionably 5 minutes late… perfect. This blind date should be a breeze I thought, arrive, eat, charm and leave. I approached the maitre’d and was escorted to a candlelit corner table.

Alas, my fashionably late arrival was to no avail, she had not yet made an appearance. Still her lateness gives me some time to relax in the sumptuous surroundings and await whatever fate has taken upon itself to deliver.

The restaurant is softly lit, with shadows cast by the flickering candlelight flit across the walls. I look up and see her as she glides across the floor towards me. I stood and took a deep breath as the full force of her beauty struck me.

My heart sank as the Goddess joined her acquaintance at an adjacent table, unaware the attention of the entire room was focused on her curvaceous hips and blonde tresses. That lucky… Oh no, my musing has distracted me from the purpose of my very being here! I’m blindsided the arrival of my date, introductions and drinks orders, trivial things which are not part of the suave master plan. By the time I recover my senses she has demolished most of the dukka and told me her life story.

Later, I evaluate the situation. The evening has passed pleasantly enough, although I have not been able to get a word in edgeways and my presence appears to have been surplus to requirements. I have managed to contribute a few nods of agreement to her seamless, although entertaining, monologue. I quietly wonder to myself what this attractive, yet apparently very hungry 5’7 worldly vegetarian brunette will write about me, and how can anyone eat so much whilst keeping up a rate of speech that would astonish many horseracing commentators.

Finally, it is time to leave. During our brief encounter we have deeply fallen for each other and must now elope together to her cottage in the hills of Highbury to be alone together, and do what must be done on any blind date during which the parties involved fall deeply for one another.

To my stunning date, you were great fun, incredibly knowledgeable, forthright and brilliant company. Without your inspiration, this piece of paper would truly be blank and pangs of hunger would fill my stomach.

HER

Having been signed up to this whole blind date thing at the very last minute, I thought it was only fair to go about it properly.

I owed it to those who might follow in my footsteps to maintain a certain degree of etiquette. But how to know what makes a successful blind date? I turned to reality show extraordinaire Mr Romance to find some guidance on the subject. For all ye heathens who have yet to acknowledge the awesomeness of the Fabio-presented show, it’s pretty much a whole lot of buffed up male hoochies vying to be on the cover of a romance novel. Trashy, perhaps, but not without some pretty sweet insight into how your typical romantic hero should conduct himself.

I turned up at the Establishment semi-fashionably late, more due to foul weather than any attempts to be trendy and nonchalant. Mr Romance-to-be introduced himself and readily confessed his nervousness; sweet, but would Fabio approve? Alcohol was duly ordered after a mutual decision to not get completely plastered, which in hindsight was a good idea, but also not conducive to raucous tales to relay in this review. He downed his beer pretty quick, which was a big tick for his romantic profile. Heavy drinking is very socially irresponsible, so by default, cool and manly. This was kind of outdone by the lack of drinking after our starter (bread with dukkah, for those interested, very tasty) despite plenty of encouragement from the wait staff. I wondered how many bouts of extreme awkwardness or drunken rambling from Salient guinea pigs they had endured. Probably lots. Thankfully there were very few moments where the conversation floundered. Not enough smooth talk for a potential Mills and Boon hero though, though I did elicit a tale of manly seduction from his not so distant youth. Double tick. As Fabio says, it’s not all about confidence. It takes more. Dinner was ordered in haste, as he had to be at an indoor netball game by 9.30, and when it arrived, was pretty much crap. They redeemed themselves somewhat with dessert, but as I had most generously been offered a lift home, it was left half uneaten at 9.25. This was the final moment when he could have outshone himself with say, a large white stallion to whisk me away on, preferably cantering. Instead I was escorted home in a surprisingly suave red sports car, running a few yellow lights on the way. All things considered, quite a respectable chariot for a romance hero. Fabio would have been proud.

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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