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October 16, 2006 | by  | in Opinion |
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Names for Keisha Castle-Hughes’ Baby

1. Jango Fett
2. Shamu
3. Cletus
4. Aborto
5. Stereotype

Things To Do When Your Girlfriend is Throwing Up

1. Get her to do a yardie
2. Get off on it
3. Take pictures
4. Throw rocks at her
5. Scoop it up for posterity

New Songs for Emo Bands

1. ‘I’m Not Okay (I Cut Myself)’
2. ‘I Want to Be on Prozac But I’m Not Actually Depressed’
3 ’Eyeliner Costs Too Much’
4. ‘Only My Art Teacher Understands Me (Except I Think He Molested Me Once)’
5. ‘Black’s Not Practical In The Summer’

Kiwi Companies Soon to Go International

1. The Adult Shoppe
2. Satay Kingdom
3. Georgie Pie
4. Rosita Vai
5. The Progressive Coalition

Things That Won’t Seem Important in Ten Years Time

1. Having your virginity
2. Tax cuts
3. That one B you got
4. That bald spot
5. Your lack of friends

Reasons We’re Glad This Year’s Almost Over

1. 2006 adds up to 8, and 8 is our unlucky number
2. Student media is for chumps
3. We’re sick of you
4. We need newer, fresher, hotter first years
5. Nick Kelly

Things To Do Over the Summer

1. Go fuck yourself
2. …meh
3. Your flatmate
4. All those classes you failed
5. Go fuck yourself

Things You Can’t Drink

1. Whiteboard cleaner
2. Sand
3. The Taliban
4. Instant coffee
5. Menstrual blood

New Names For Mello-Yello

1. Not quite urine
2. Angry-Yello
3. Mountain Dew
4. 80s ref. 2349
5. Flavourless Yellow Drink

Things That Don’t Need Advertising

1. Vibrators
2. Elderly incontinence pads
3. Thrush medication
4. Erectile dysfunction medicine
5. Fuck off okay? I’m sick of writing this shit.

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (1)

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  1. Leah Teana says:

    you got dumb names lol

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