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October 2, 2006 | by  | in News |
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Throwing Toys

Last Monday night was rough for Education Vice-President Joel Cosgrove. At one point during the action-packed exec meeting, sometime after Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard told him to “remove the stick” from his “buttocks”, but before Women’s Rights Officer Caroline Prendergast told him to “use your fucking brain”, he ran out of the room, swearing, flailing his arms, maybe crying.

Although the exec may have been a little mean to Cosgrove, I blame his break-down on those Gecko (or “Ghetto”, as Campaigns Officer Alexander Nielson called them) hippies. Two of them showed up talking climate change, and were all like “money!” VUWSA, having a big obese deficit of like $100,000, is a little reluctant to give out money these days, so everyone used their outdoor voices to debate whether Ghetto should get some moolah.

It was Barnard and Prendergast versus Cosgrove and Welfare Vice-President Jules van Cruysen, with Barnard saying clubs were now being “punished” for VUWSA’s financial “fuck-up”, and Prendergast saying the exec needed “consistency” with its handouts, i.e. they gave out lots of money at the start of the year and now they give oh-so-little.

So then van Cruysen pointed out the whole “deficit” thing, and then he was being all “fiscal responsibility”. They screamed for a bit here. And then Prendergast thought maybe Gecko could ask for a koha, but they didn’t really want to, and then there was a bit of heated debate over what koha means. And then Prendergast yelled a bit. And then Cosgrove yelled at Prendergast.

Cosgrove really wasn’t down with giving away any money. A motion to give Gecko $800 and help them lobby the University and some other places for money was what caused his tantrum, which went kind of like: “that’s disgusting! Piss! This is fucken shit! We have a deficit!” Exits. And then they censured him for saying naughty words.

Cosgrove sat on the naughty step for half an hour or so, sharing a jug of beer with himself and warbling the blues. The yelling continued upon his drunken return to the meeting, when he alleged that Prendergast had told Salient the Thursdays in Black concert featuring Anika Moa had broken even, when in fact she had said it “probably” would. Being the nerd I am, I put up my hand and got speaking-rights, which was rather exciting indeed, and then I bummed Cosgrove out. Zing!

After the meeting, he drank another jug and slept in the VUWSA stationery cupboard.

Cosgrove later said he still likes the hippies, but used a few of his favourite swears to communicate how bothered he was by some exec members “trying to keep up pretences.” It wasn’t so much the amount of money, he’s all about climate change awareness, but more the “100,000 reasons” why VUWSA can’t maintain consistency with its grants anymore.

He also denied crying, and wanted to know if Prendergast had started such a rumour.

Highlight(s): Barnard’s report was full of little gems, like “Arranged catering so panel could eat and not have to resort to cannibalism”, “Had Gareth [Robinson] fired” and “Decided that Old Man Retard won’t be invited back next year.”

Lowlight: Nielson, in a very loud voice out the front of the Student Union Building, offered to forward me some naked photos and dirty text-messages from his girlfriend (she’s from Tokoroa), to prove me wrong that he never gets texts about his penis from girls. Seriously, ew.

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About the Author ()

With her take-no-prisoners, kick-ass attitude, former News Editor Laura McQuillan adequately makes up for her lack of stature. Roaming the corridors (and underground tunnels) of the University by day, and hunting vampires and Nazi war criminals by night, McQuillan will stop at nothing to bring you the freshest news.

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