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March 19, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Becci

Q: I’ve been with my girlfriend for six months now. We have sex, but she won’t go down on me. None of my other girlfriends have ever had a problem with this. How can I get her to do it?

Becci replies: First of all, you have to understand that every girl is different. Just because one girl is happy to dive right down there doesn’t mean another girl will be. Secondly, if this is an issue that could potentially cause problems in your relationship, you need to talk to her about it. And asking her outright probably isn’t the best way to go. Try to find out if she’s ever given blowjobs to any of her previous boyfriends. If she hasn’t, then chances are she is either totally opposed to the idea and will never do it, or she’s scared that she’ll do something wrong. After all, you’re already comparing her to your former partners. If she has done it with previous boyfriends, the problem may, in fact, be about you. Maybe suggest taking a shower together. Let her help wash you – not only can this be a real turn on, but she can also be sure that you’re all spick and span if she does want to head down there later. There is also a range of lotions and potions out there, most of which can be ordered online. These can make the experience taste a whole lot better for both of you. And let’s not forget the assortment of flavoured condoms available! While a little encouragement and the occasional hint never hurt anyone, the important thing to remember is to have fun and be safe. And never, ever rush or pressure her into anything she’s not ready for, or doesn’t want to do.

Q: I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks, and when I asked how to introduce him to people, he said “your boyfriend”. Does the rule of asking someone to be your girlfriend still apply this day in age – or did people get over that in fourth form? Does an implied relationship require notification and consent from both parties? In other words, what is my relationship with this guy?

Becci replies: Although most girls I know prefer to be asked the question, the sad truth is that guys these days have either forgotten how to ask, or are unsure of romantic etiquette. I asked around, and the majority of my friends (both male and female) mentioned the same thing – the three-date rule. If you’re still seeing someone after the third date, it would seem that you’re technically a couple – whether you want to be or not. Alternatively, his response could have been his roundabout way of asking if you wanted to be his girlfriend! After all, you could have replied that you didn’t feel comfortable referring to him as your boyfriend just yet. The fact that he wants you to call him your boyfriend definitely says that he thinks of you as his girlfriend. But if you’re unsure of where you stand, you could casually mention something about it in a conversation, and go from there.

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