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March 19, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Reasons To Dress Emo:

  1. Aerodynamics
  2. Because your sister does it
  3. Because scars on your wrist are a handy way to take notes
  4. Because black is the new black
  5. ‘Cause nobody understands you!

Men Whose Facial Hair I Want:

  1. Sigmund Freud
  2. Colonel Sanders
  3. That dude on the Jedi council in Star Wars
  4. Mark Sainsbury
  5. The guy who cooks the burgers at BK

Jedi:

  1. Mace Windu
  2. Obi-Wan Kenobi
  3. Yoda
  4. Fat kid in Youtube video
  5. Mark Sainsbury

Fat Guys:

  1. Fat Albert
  2. Fat Mike
  3. Nicole Ritchie
  4. Dwayne Leverock
  5. Jonathan Hunt

Celebrity Endorsements:

  1. George Foreman – grill
  2. Stephen Fleming – Fujitsu comfort
  3. Shane Warne – hair replacement
  4. Al Gore – Toyota prius
  5. Britney Spears – Remington hair clippers

Ways Yoda Could Have Said Things Better:

  1. A dream, I have
  2. My lover, Billie Jean is not
  3. At hello, me you had
  4. Easy being green, it is not
  5. English mother fucker! Do you speak it?

White People Who Think They’re Black:

  1. Ali G
  2. Eminem
  3. The Jazz Singer
  4. Kevin Federline
  5. John Key

Black People Who Think They’re White:

  1. Michael Jackson
  2. Oprah
  3. Barry White
  4. Othello
  5. Frankie Muniz

Alternative Meanings For “Wax on, wax off”:

  1. Taxidermy
  2. Brazilian
  3. BDSM
  4. A dirty term for wax fetishes
  5. Wax model at Madame Tussauds
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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (19)

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  1. Jono Newton says:

    Worse, I didn’t think they could get. But done it you have

  2. Timmy says:

    omg this page suck…no affence…but i am emo and that is not even really why i am…emo means emotional…your not emo cuase your sister…emo is a way to live life and is not a feeling as much though…emo can also be a mood but not rarely…emo would have to be 24/7…neways what i am trying to say is dont listen to them…i am right and you can get more advice if you email me at gondie002@hotmail.com and i will help you more than this website could ever..ttys

  3. Timmy is obviously a tit... says:

    You idiot, whoebver wrote this is poking fun at emos NOT giving real reasons. I mean come on, do you really HONESTLY think that the comment: ‘Because scars on your wrist are a handy way to take notes’ was meant seriously?

  4. Sophie says:

    I think some people may frind this funny… But not me, personally.

    Emos… Like the stereotypical ‘slit your wrists and then kill me’ kind are not there just so you can take the piss outta them. They have feelings, hence emo is short for emotional. Although I know it was not meant seriously, think, if an emo came on here and read this, do you think that it’d make them have amore positive out look on life? I doubt it….

  5. michele ma bele says:

    all of you are idiots except for the person who wrote TIMMY IS A TIT

  6. michele ma bele says:

    all of you are idiots except for the person who wrote TIMMY IS A TIT
    by the way SOPHIE IS A TIT

    1. EMO is a shortned term for emotiona
    2. it’s NOW A DAYS a SCENE
    3. it USED TO BE just ANOTHER TERM FOR A TYPE OF MUSIC
    4. it orginiated in the late seventies FROM PUNK MUSIC

    and finally we’re MAKING FUN OF EMOS!!!! not AND I REPEAT NOT giving reasons.

  7. michele ma bele says:

    all of you are idiots except for the person who wrote TIMMY IS A TIT
    by the way SOPHIE IS A TIT

    1. EMO is a shortned term for emotiona
    2. it’s NOW A DAYS a SCENE
    3. it USED TO BE just ANOTHER TERM FOR A TYPE OF MUSIC
    4. it orginiated in the late seventies FROM PUNK MUSIC

    and finally we’re MAKING FUN OF EMOS!!!! not AND I REPEAT NOT giving reasons.

  8. XXxKillmenowandillcryinyourarmsXxx says:

    this.website.makes.me.upsite.i dont.even.get.why.we.get.made.fun.of.
    we.are.only.real.and.true.to.our.seves.i.am.totally.upset.my.mood.
    has.been.crushed.and.i.am.very.sad.

  9. XXxKillmenowandillcryinyourarmsXxx says:

    this.website.makes.me.upset.i dont.even.get.why.we.get.made.fun.of.
    we.are.only.real.and.true.to.our.seves.i.am.totally.upset.my.mood.
    has.been.crushed.and.i.am.very.sad.

  10. Nigel Mallet says:

    I’m doing research on emo because lots of my students are getting beaten up and ostracised for listening to a certain kind of music or dressing a certain way. Now personally as a happy 35 year-old I don’t really like or listen to (current) emo bands, however growing up and listening to The Smiths, The Cure, Bauhaus, Joy Division and Nirvana, I can understand why the appeal is there. I think I’d prefer my kids to be emo rather than dress like Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton, these girls are the ones that tend to do the most bullying…

    One unifying theme seems to be that most people are taking the piss out of kids for dressing differently to the majority, or for feeling seperate from society as a whole.

    Perhaps those that are doing the teasing/bullying would prefer it if we were to ostracise people based on skin colour, gender or ethnicity.

    So come on! lets all be racist, sexist arseholes instead – it’s far more fun and so much easier than picking on someones haircut or shoes.

    Oh for all those holier than thou bullies/hypocrites – tghere is a tinge of sarcasm here…

    Say G’Day from all us Aussie Emo’s

  11. Jonno says:

    So you want your kids to be fucking looser fags? Hahahahaha

    I’d bang Paris Hilton, and I’d at least smear chicken grease on Britneys bald head. But I would not, I repeat NOT, fuck a little emo boy in the ass. I swear I wouldn’t. I’m just not that kind of guy.

  12. Jean-Michel says:

    “I’d bang Paris Hilton, and I’d at least smear chicken grease on Britneys bald head. But I would not, I repeat NOT, fuck a little emo boy in the ass. I swear I wouldn’t. I’m just not that kind of guy.”

    man of class.

  13. Tristan Egarr says:

    Why is everyone so critical of self harm? Self harm is fun. Arms look pretty with scars. Pain is sexy. All these a facts, y’all. Yussss.

  14. Alice Jarman says:

    We laugh at emos because they are drama-queens and have the LUXURY of being dramatic – just like we laugh at paris hilton. Emo’s are just funnier because they want to be taken seriously; in saying that, paris hilton has attmepted to be taken seriously, just as a dedicated porn-star/singer.

    The two people that i know who are emo enlightned me last year with “do you like my hair Alice? i bought some skinny jeans, died my hair black and bought my chemical romance.” I of course replied with a mystified “…why?” and all i get is “i decided to be an emo”. Thats nice dear, just stay away from my kitchen.

  15. Mike Heine says:

    Oh I dunno, emos can put their heads inside my oven anytime.

  16. Shadia says:

    STOP THAT !!
    WE ALL ARE HUMAN BEINGS

  17. Ninja says:

    Nigel you ass, we dont bully emos because they are the minority…christ they’re taking over the country with their pessimistic theme of depression. be afrid of the emo, very afraid. And shadia, we may all be human beings, but some are better than others. That my friend, is a scientific fact. Emo are the plankton of the human chain, deal with it.

  18. Michael says:

    Emo licking good, KFC.

  19. kate says:

    guys really dis makes me sad:*(

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