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April 23, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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A Very Sivi Situation

The delicious tang of righteous indignation began to permeate throughout the country’s news media the moment All Black winger Sitiveni Sivivatu stepped out of the Hamilton District Court a free, but troubled, man. The All Black has been embroiled in the kind of controversy that twists the noses of a country that is usually so besotted with the idea of sport stars walking without sin. The mere thought of one of rugby’s poster boys being a Joe Blow wife beater grinds against the spick-and-span pristine idea of being an All Black, and indeed, being a man in this day and age.

There is a small group of people with incredibly tall soapboxes who have celebrated Sivivatu’s naming and shaming as a victory, and hear hear, I say! No longer will beer-swilling, misogynistic, wife-thumping rugby heads get away with pinching Justice’s ass and saying, “I bet you like a bit ‘o rough-n-tumble with that blindfold, eh darl?” With the scourge of Sivivatu vanquished, we can sleep soundly knowing that the stain of domestic abuse has been sufficiently dry-cleaned from the skirt of society.

Oh. Wait. I’m sorry, you have a question, common sense? “What of the fact that this is a winless situation, devoid of anything remotely salvageable, whereby a married couple’s personal shame has become the rock on which the church of senseless political posturing and mindless social upheaval is built?” Oh, common sense, you and your appeals to ‘reason’.

First of all, common sense, Sitiveni Sivivatu is an All Black. That title may suggest that he’s simply just an elite sportsman, but that’s only the tip of the iceberg. When he’s not scoring tries and doing all that other fluff, he should be going around door-to-door delivering puppies, building nests for beak-less birds and teaching the Von Trapp children how to love through song.

Second of all – the children. The parents of our nation’s children are far too busy writing letters to the Dominion Post and clogging up Newstalk ZB’s phone lines to offer themselves up as idols – they need people like Sivivatu to do that job for them! How can we reasonably expect in this day of NCEA that our children will grow up to be reasonable, productive members of society if people like Sitiveni Sivivatu aren’t willing to encroach upon those evils?

And lastly, common sense – the facts: Sivivatu may be one of many men discharged without conviction this year for similar incidents, his act of mindless aggression may have tainted the image of New Zealand rugby as a whole, but the fact of the matter is that the second his suppression was lifted, a NASA satellite was situated just above the country, and pinpointed the moment when the stiff undercurrent of domestic abuse prevalent on the face of New Zealand simply vanished without a trace – argue against that, smart guy.

You see, common sense? Sivivatu was shamed because of what he did to each and every one of us. Thank God common sen- er – logic prevailed.

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Kia ora, biography box, kia ora.

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