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April 30, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Concept Albums for Bands:

1. Pride and Prejudice
2. Flight of the space shuttle Columbia
3. The Holocaust
4. The rise and fall of John Key
5. Songs inspired by Milli Vanilli

Things to Be Found on the New Earth-like Planet:

1. A new kind of space icecream
2. More property for the Boomers to snap up
3. Killer space bees
4. Jesus
5. The weapons of mass destruction

Embarrassing Crushes:

1. Your Grandmother.
2. Your Dog.
3. The High school Chaplain.
4. Rosie O’ Donnell
5. Jesus

Assault Convictions Waiting to Happen:

1. Mika
2. Naomi Campbell’s new maid
3. John Key
4. Bono
5. That dealer who keeps giving you oregano

Attractions in a Pornographic Theme Park:

1. The Purple and Pink Coaster through the wet valley
2. The Log Jam
3. Nude Dodgems
4. Slap the Tits
5. Anna Nicole Smith

Children’s T.V. Shows:

1. The Adventures of Stiffy the pink ferret
2. The Saga of Captain Aryan
3. The Passion of the Christ, weekly edition
4. Bratz ‘Don’t Theorise, Accessorise’!
5. Jimmy the Kitten’s Adventures in Appliance Land

Things to say in Lectures:

1. Penis
2. Penis
3. Penis
4. Penis
5. Penis!

Things the Army Can Protect Us From in Waiuru:
1. Trees
2. Tussock
3. Tourists
4. Snow
5. The impending invasion from the south by anarchic-hippie communist sheep

Things to Race at Pukekohe Now the V8’s Are Gone:
1. Nudists
2. Sheep
3. Reindeer
4. Sperm
5. Anthony Keatis Vs. His Ego

Things the Hippies Were Wrong About:
1. Aromatherapy
2. How good Trance is
3. Party Pills
4. Happy Valley
5. Global warming

People who think they’re Jesus:
1. Michael Jackson
2. Marilyn Manson (well…the anti-Jesus maybe)
3. That guy from the Feelers
4. Chris Renwick
5. Mel Gibson

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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