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April 2, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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It’s ours, you bastard

It’s our log of wood, it’s our holy grail, and it’s our Ark of the Covenant. We’ve grown up together – we saw through the winter of ’06, the winter re-dux of December ’06, LonelyGirl115, the “Mc’Dreamy – Meredith” sexual tension, and Nick Kelly’s presidency- nothing short of Indiana Jones and a wisecracking Sean Connery should be able to pry the Uni Games shield from our cold, dead hands.

But still, the keeper of the annuals of history will be all too quick to peer up from her narrow-rimmed spectacles and remind us Victorians that our reign as Uni Games champion may certainly come to an end this April. As history shows, with one exception, the coveted shield has been won by the host city’s university for the last ten years, the exception coming in 2002 when Auckland University skipped down the motorway and wrenched the title off an understandably confused and saddened Waikato.

This year’s games are being held in Christchurch, (April 10 – 13) and, indeed, Team Victoria finds itself at an immediate disadvantage. The rather steep cost of the trip aside (around $300 per-person, I was informed) we’re faced with the daunting prospect of having to defend our title in the South Island of all places. Now, I too was shocked to learn of the existence of tertiary education facilities in the South Island, but it’s the kind of perverse trickery that the brave members of Team Victoria must overcome.

It’s not as if we’ll be starved of opportunities, either: this year’s games will feature twenty-eight different sports, from lawn bowls to rugby league, ultimate frisbee to debating – it’s a cornucopia of sporting fancy.

But therein lies the rub; these South Islanders… these… “Cantabrians”, as the legends tell us, are notorious for their rallying. Far be it for me to question their recruitment style, but I’m almost maybe certain (perhaps) that they give away free copies of The Wizard’s book, and signed glossies of Rueben Thorne as incentives to sign up. It’s the kind of drive that the US Army could only dream of, and the success of which will be felt in the second week of April.

Regardless of how they’ll rally their troops, they will be there in force – staunchly patriotic, staunchly cold, and incredibly drunk. It may be simple case of logistics over talent; we could easily defend our title, but our brave company of champions may fall short of rekindling the glory of 2006 at the hands of thousands of glossy-toting cantabs casting spells and screaming for Rueben Thorne’s hand in marriage.

But rest assured, dear Victorians, success is a taste that tends to linger.

With the thoughts and hopes of a campus so very, very far away, we may very well see the unthinkable take place – a successful Uni Games shield defence, and an incident-free trip to the South Island. Touch wood. Oh Lord, touch wood.

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Kia ora, biography box, kia ora.

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