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April 23, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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T Shirt Slogans:

1. Words on a T Shirt
2. If Meat is Murder, Then Murder Kicks Ass!
3. I use this as my man rag
4. What’s Irony?
5. Keep it veneREAL

Reasons That Prince William Broke Up with Kate Middleton:

1. She wasn’t inbred enough
2. Not enough hyphens in her surname
3. Her mum works for a living
4. The army is his mistress now
5. She discovered that the Royal Family are blood-drinking lizards from Alpha Draconia

Reasons to Relax the Gun Laws:

1. Bullet manufacturers need to eat, to.
2. Gun culture is still culture, isn’t it?
3. Gun control is the first step towards totalitarianism. Seriously
4. How else will you defend yourself from other people with guns?
5. More guns, less crime. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a godless Commie

Wikipedia articles:

1. Blanket Man
2. Salient
3. Gynecomastia (Bitch Tits)
4. Sex Positions
5. George Duyba

Things Worse than Half a Worm in Your Apple:

1. Gang Rape
2. The Quad Kiosk
3. Waking with your naked sister next to you
4. The new G N’ R lineup
5. You

Things Wrong with 300:

1. Xerxes looking like a reject from Imerst’s drag night
2. The Goatman playing the sitar
3. The Fat Nipple Pierced Sumo with blade hands.
4. The constant nipple shot of the prepubescent oracle.
5. The Continual Dreamy Macho Commentary about how awesome the Spartans were

Torture Methods:

1. The Rack
2. Filing your teeth down to the gums
3. Paper cuts
4. Having to listen to Clint Rickards justify himself
5. Sleeping with Rosie O’Donnell

Ways to Get Famous for Five Minutes:

1. Rock star Supernova, anyone?
2. Get run over by a Chinese tank
3. Sue God
4. Finish Chinese Democracy for Axl
5. Sleeping with Rosie O’Donnell

Best Ways to Die:

1. Auto-erotic asphyxiation
2. Get Run Over By A Chinese Tank
3. AIDS
4. DMT Overdose
5. Sleeping with Rosie O’Donnell

‘80s Rock Alter Ego’s:

1. Vinnie Vincent (Alliterationy)
2. Mick Mars (Hee hee…Mick)
3. CC Deville (He thought he was a super hero)
4. Vanilla Ice (‘Nuff said)
5. Slash (It just sounds hardcore…but it’s not)

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (2)

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  1. janina says:

    link to ‘ways to fuck with a boy’s head emotionally’ ain’t workin…… bring it on! ha ha.

  2. Simon says:

    Sorry about that Janina, all fixed now

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