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May 14, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Becci

My partner of almost four years has just accepted a job overseas. It’s not supposed to be a permanent move, but he will be living over there for the foreseeable future. I would love to go with him, as I love him very much. But my life – my family, my friends and my job – is here in New Zealand. Do we attempt a long distance relationship and see each other when we can, or just end the relationship before he goes and give us both a clean, amicable break?

This is a very difficult decision to make, as I’m sure you’re well aware. Although ultimately, this is a decision that only you and your partner can make, I would advise you not to end the relationship purely because your partner is moving away. Four years is a long time to be in a relationship. You say you love your partner very much, and to dedicate yourself to someone only to throw it all away because you’re going to be living in different countries is a little extreme. It sounds like you’re worried that by letting the relationship run its course it will end badly, whereas if you end the relationship now you can have a ‘clean, amicable break’. However, if you and your partner do choose to end the relationship now (and it is important that it’s a joint decision and that you’re both happy with the outcome), you may get that clean break while being able to remain friends, but you may also spend the rest of your life, or at least a significant number of years, thinking ‘what if..?’, and wondering what would have happened and where you would be if you had only stayed together. Sit down and talk to your partner, discuss your options and make your decision from there. Lots of couples have successful long distance relationships, and even if it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t have to wonder ‘what if?’

I think I might be pregnant, but I don’t know for sure and I don’t know what to do. I’ve just started my first year at university, and I don’t have a steady boyfriend. My parents’ will kill me if I am pregnant, and I don’t want to tell anyone in case they think I’m a slut. What do I do?

Firstly, you need to find out if you really are pregnant or if you’re just worrying over nothing. You can buy pregnancy tests from pharmacies, but they are quite expensive and are not 100 per cent reliable, so if money is an issue (or if you’re worried that someone behind the counter will judge you, or someone you know will be in the shop), then you can get a test done at the doctors. Student Health Services are located on all main campuses if you don’t have a local G.P – no one there will judge you, and everything you say to the doctor will remain confidential. If you are pregnant, you may wish to talk to someone at Counselling Services or Family Planning about your options, and you can go from there; they can also offer advice on contraception. But remember, accidents happen to everyone; this does not mean you are a slut, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Have a problem? Need advice? E-mail All questions will remain anonymous.

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