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July 16, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Idiot’s guide to Holidays

So guys, welcome back to reading! That’s a past time that I’m sure you didn’t take advantage of during the holidays. Come to think of it, what did you idiots get up to? If you’ve been reading our column, you know you didn’t need to waste your time studying! I’ve just realised that I left you at the mercy of the gods! Without a guide to holidays, you guys probably just sat in your room, afraid of your free time. And I can understand, I mean, when you’ve got places to go and sit, and other people to follow then you don’t need to rely on your own imagination to get you by. Hopefully you guys with jobs realised that just because school is over for a few days, it doesn’t mean that your job is over too. If you didn’t go to work for those two weeks without informing your boss, then you most definitely have been fired, and you will need this guide more than ever.

A holiday is a time to relax, a time when many responsibilities are temporarily put on hold. Not big responsibilities like paying rent or looking after your kids, but smaller ones like going to school, cleaning and showering to name a few. But as the holiday wore on, you would have realised that you had a lot of time, with nothing to do. It is my task now to fill up this ‘scary time’ with fun activities so holidays can be ‘fun time’ for idiots, just like it is for us.

If you walk down Courtenay Place you’ll notice there are a lot of shops and other places with things to do. A common holiday pastime is going to the movies. There are several movies on Courtenay Place. The movies or cinema is a place where somebody else’s imagination comes to life and you get to pay around $12 (with your student discount) to witness it. Movies are on average around two hours long, and can be about any number of different crazy things. You could watch a documentary about giant robots from outer space who can change into cars and trucks and stuff, or a comedy about boy who discovers that growing up is filled with dangers and complications like a powerful dark wizard trying to kill him. I know you’re thinking, “well that doesn’t sound much different to my normal life” – and you’re right, which is why you can learn a lot from movies. I learned to never trust a cripple from The Usual Suspects, and how to make millions by catching Shrimp from Forrest Gump, but most importantly to never give up, and to stay strong in the face of adversity from The Mighty Ducks.

Another pastime people like to do when they are on holiday is to read for pleasure. Most of you are thinking about magazines like Playboy, and that’s understandable, but remember, Playboy is a sometimes magazine! Reading for pleasure is the opposite of reading because your lecturer told you to. Remember what I told you about movies, well reading is the same except instead of watching pictures on a screen, you’re reading words on a page. Some people, idiots mostly, don’t see the point in reading books, when they can watch a film about the same thing, (most good movies were books first, until they TRANSFORMED!) But I’ll give you two good reasons.

1. It takes a lot longer to read a book, which would have helped you out, you had two weeks to fill!
2. It’s a lot cheaper (you can borrow books from a library, the place where baby books are born) which is also a bonus, considering you didn’t show up to your job for past few weeks.
The last of the ‘big three’ as I just made up about how people spend their holidays is going away. This is where you pack up a few clothes into a bag, or suitcase, and go to the airport to see where you can be swept away to. This is a big person thing to do, for the first few holidays you have from now on I’d stick with the movies and reading, but if you think you’re up to the challenge, who am I to stop you. Before you go however, have a in-depth study of my column An Idiot’s Guide to the Airport. It will, and I promise this, save your life!

There are many, many ways in which we, as civilised beings can spend our free time, and as you grow as a person, I recommended you try out more and more exciting past times until you decided which best defines your character. Until then, Where The Wild Things Are would be an excellent book to start your next holiday- look out for the movie anytime soon!

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