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July 30, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Last Words

From the last words of prisoners executed by injection in Texas in the past 15 years. Texas has executed 322 people since 1990. Fifteen death row inmates have been exonerated on the basis of new DNA evidence.


Okay. I’ve been hanging around this popsicle stand way too long. Before I leave, I want to tell you all: When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head, and rock and roll me when I’m dead. I’ll see you in heaven someday.
That’s all, Warden.

I would like to clear some things up if I could.

Tommy Perkins, the man that got a capital life sentence for murdering Kinslow-he did not do it. I did it. And Martin, the younger boy, thought it was just a robbery. I am sorry for that. I am not sure how many- there must be a dozen or 14, I believe, all total. All of these, it was never anything personal. It was just something I did to make a living. That is all I have to say.

State what? I am not guilty of the charge of capital murder. Steal my and my family’s money. My truth will always be my truth. There is no kin and no friend-no kin to you, undertaker. Murderer. [Portion of statement omitted due to profanity]. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my life back.

Sir, in honor of a true American. hero, “Let’s roll.”

I just want to say I am not sad today or bitter with anybody. Like I’ve said from day one, I did not go in there and kill them, but I am no better than those that did. This is a great day to pass on. This so-called dying. Don’t waste your time arguing and bickering.

All that really matters is love. Forgive one another. Our love is just like the nectar of God. There is no separation between you and me. There are no enemies, only family. I am a minister of love. I shed tears of love that may nourish everyone. Stop killing, start loving. Let my death change society. You don’t need any more killing. You don’t need the death penalty. Take me home, God. Hold me in yours and carry me home.

The only statement I want to make is that I am an innocent man, convicted of a crime I did not commit. From God’s dust I came, and to dust I will return, so the earth shall become my throne. I gotta go, road dog. [Remaining portion of statement omitted due to profanity].

Okay, I guess I’ll address the Morgan family. Thirteen or 14 years ago, I had a non-caring attitude. I’m sorry for shooting your son down at that robbery. I hope this brings you peace. God is real. He is fixing to find out some deep things that are real. You know what I’m saying. You all take care of yourselves. That is it.

The only thing I want to say is that I appreciate the hospitality that you guys have shown me, and the respect. The last meal was really good. That is about it. My request is that you get yourselves in church and pray for forgiveness, because you are murdering me. I did not kill anyone in my life. You are murdering me and I feel sorry for you. Get in church and get saved. I really don’t know what else to tell you. You all brought me here to be executed, not to make a speech.

Not from me, but I have a message to you from God. Save the children. Find one who needs help and make a small sacrifice of your own wealth and save the innocent ones. They are the key for making the world a better place.

Let’s do it, man. Lock and load. Ain’t life a [expletive deleted].Only the sky and the green grass go on forever, and today is a good day to die.

Smooth Operator

From interviews with women who have used the “Rockmelon” and “Body Thinning” cell- phone ringtones, which are marketed in Asia as a means of increasing bust size and losing weight, respectively. The interviews were published in Easy Finder, a Hong Kong youth magazine.

Age: 19
Before: 34.5” bust. After: 35.5” bust. The bust-boosting ring tone sounded strange at first, but after listening to it, it was super easy to fall asleep. I used to go to the club maybe only once a month, but now I go at least once a week. I’ve become a better conversationalist, and more animated too! One of the times I went to the club, an artist came over and started flirting with me. After we flirted, I went into the bathroom and listened to the bust-boosting ring again to make myself feel even more energetic. Although we didn’t end up going on a date, we exchanged cellphone numbers and sent each other text messages. I’m already happy!

Age: 22
Before: 35.5” bust. After: 36.5” bust. The bust-boosting ring tone sounds a bit scary, like a horror movie. I listened to it while I ate, and after a while it made my appetite decrease. I used to eat a big bag of chips as a snack every day, but after listening to the ring tone I didn’t want to eat that kind of snack. The most amazing thing is that in a month my bust grew one inch-I couldn’t believe it! Before, I wouldn’t dare wear a see-through shirt, but now I wear one with a colorful bra underneath. When middle-aged guys pass me on the street they do a double take!

Age: 24
Before: 102 pounds. After: 98 pounds. The weight-loss ring tone is so harsh. It’s really annoying! But after I had listened to it for a week, I started seeing results. I don’t know why, but the ring tone makes me want to drink and eat less. Previously, after eating dinner I would eat four servings of ice cream in one sitting. Now one serving is enough! My boyfriend promised me that if I lose two more pounds he’ll buy me a Burberry miniskirt!

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