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July 9, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things to vandalise:

1 The Mona Lisa.
2 The Hollywood sign.
3 Anything at the Tate Modern.
4 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
5 Priceless wooden Norwegian Churches by burning them down.


1 Electric pink.
2 Snot green.
3 Plaque yellow.
4 Vomit tan.
5 Shit brown.

Things about Winter:

1 Frostbite.
2 Using the rain as an excuse to not show up to class.
3 Flatmates jacking up your power bill.
4 Polar fleeces.
5 Coming home to a Winter wonderland of snow and ice, only to realise its all yellow.


1 The Back of the Y guys.
2 Dethklok.
3 Kerry King.
4 Zakk Wylde.
5 Tai Neilson.

Ways to dispose of a Corpse:

1 BBQ it, like that guy who got busted in Texas.
2 Freeze then blend for dog food.
3 Sink it. No one will fi nd it when fishing right?
4 Prop for a cannibal corpse music video.
5 Eat it! The cannibal food of choice.

Top five names you won’t want to say fast:

1 Wayne Kerr.
2 Alvin Joiner.
3 Phil McCrackin.
4 Theresa Green.
5 Mark Hunt.

Best Conspiracies:

1 That Ozzy actually wrote any of the songs he sings.
2 That lycra was a good idea.
3 That Paul Holmes’s daughter Millicent is innocent.
4 That Mark Sainsbury is actually a journalist.
5 That Helen Clark can paint.

New Careers for the Student Association Executive:

1 Interior Decorator
2 Football Hooligan
3 Crash Test Dummy
4 Sandwich Artist
5 Productive Member of Society


1 Mercury.
2 Nickel.
3 The Heavy ones that kill you.
4 Aluminium.
5 The Church burning kind.

Places to bleed from:

1 The eyes.
2 The mouth.
3 The ears.
4 The nose.
5 Your anus.

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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