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August 6, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Victoria University Drinking Game

Since before the time of Plato, drinking games have been an important part of student life. A simple internet search for “student drinking games” gets over two million results because there are literally thousands of drinking games using any combination of gestures, dialogue, dice, cards, boards, hoses and drinking vessels.

One of the most popular genres is “drink when”. As the name suggests, when something particular happens, a person has to drink a designated amount. These games can involve very little drinking (“drink every time a politician answers the question directly”) or a lot of drinking (“drink every time a woman sighs when Dan Carter is on screen”).

The format can be applied to virtually any activity – particularly sports, movies and television shows – because all you really need is an agreed set of conditions. Be warned however, even hardened drinkers can get caught out. It is a real challenge to make it all the way through The Empire Strikes Back film if you have drawn “drink every time Yoda uses bad grammar” and “drink every time Luke whines”.

Rather than reproduce existing games, this column has created the world’s first “Victoria University Drinking Game”. Feel free to develop your own, but here are the starting conditions in ascending order of difficulty:

TEE TOTAL – Drink every time:
The University Council discusses fee decreases.
The Debt Monster costume is washed.
They serve toast at Toastmasters.
There is an awkward silence at a Debating Society meeting.

QUIET PINT – Drink every time:
A letter to Salient makes a valid and well-argued point.
Someone from the Games Club has a date with a human female with a charisma score of over 13.
Drink for every 0.1% of the student body which votes in a by-election.
You look up a word from Eleanor Bishop’s theatre column on Google.

NOISY PINT – Drink every time:
You look up a word from Aunt Daisy’s “cookery” column on Google Images.
Nick Kelly harks back to the glory days of his presidency.
Student Choice uses the word “choice”.
Lindsay Perigo refers to Ayn Rand.

CHUCK NORRIS – Drink every time:
A lecturer expresses frustration at their inability to operate the audio-visual equipment.
President Geoff Hayward apologises about the behaviour of the Executive.
You see someone in an exam that you are sure has never been to class before.
The course text turns out to be written by the lecturer.

ANDRE THE GIANT – Drink every time:
An argument about the rules breaks out at a VUWSA meeting.
The bus is late.
Someone talks in a quiet area of the Library.
You leave that assignment to the last minute.
For exciting legal reasons, it should be stressed that drinking games should only be played in moderation and almost never during a lecture. For your safety, this rule should not be enforced in courses run by Nigel S. Roberts.

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