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September 3, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Becci

I like a guy that I met about a week ago, but I’m not sure if he likes me back. How can I be sure? We have sat together many times – he sat by me first during PSYC122 just by chance and now I’m always trying to get beside him in that lecture. We have never talked but I feel connected to him. How do I know if he likes me without being the one to make a move?

It’s always hard to tell if someone likes you – especially if you don’t really know all that much about them. Don’t worry though, Becci’s here to help!

What you should do is just try to pay attention to what he does during the lecture. Does he glance over at you at all? If so, does he pull away quickly if he thinks you noticed? These are both signs he might like you.

Another thing you could do is try to get to the class before him. You said you always try to sit next to him; see if he’ll try to find you if you get there first. Does he look around the room when he gets in, or does he just head straight for an empty seat?

Don’t be disheartened if you don’t see anything of the sort. People are much more likely to develop a crush on someone when they’ve received some kind of response. You say you don’t want to be the one to make a move – well, you might not need to go that far, but you’ll need to do something – otherwise how will he have any idea what you’re like?

Try asking him something, either after class as you leave or during. It doesn’t need to be important, it could be anything. Since you’re doing the same class, you know you have at least one thing in common – so maybe start with that!

If you do it during class, there are other things you can do to test the water. Sit slightly closer than necessary, or touch his shoulder while you’re speaking. Whatever feels natural. See how he reacts. If he pulls away, it means he’s uncomfortable – so he probably doesn’t like you like that. If he doesn’t, good sign!

Anyway, I wouldn’t get too worked up about it. While I’m sure he’s a wonderful guy, neither of us really know that much about him, do we? So if you don’t get any signals, no big deal. There are plenty of other cute guys out there!

Me and my best friend started liking each other. We’ve never gone out but we hang out a lot. Now that we’ve hung out as ‘more than friends’, I realized I don’t have feelings for her anymore. My question: is it stupid to take another friend to a party that my best friend is attending? I’m hoping that things will just fizzle out because I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Please help!

I don’t see why it would be. But you have to consider her feelings as well. You should talk to her about it. You needn’t go into the gory details of “Why I don’t have feelings for you”, as those talks are normally pretty crushing. Just say something like: “Hey, I’m going to bring another mate along to the party this weekend. Is that okay?” She’ll most likely say it’s fine.

I think you’re probably right; from what you’ve said, it does sound like it’ll just fizzle out. But you want to make sure you don’t rub it in her face. For example, hooking up with this other friend in front of her is probably not the best idea ever. Just make sure you don’t do anything to push her buttons, and she’ll understand.

If she DOES ask you what’s going on, just explain, as gently as possible. And make sure you emphasise that you totally value her friendship, and that you wouldn’t be doing this if you thought it would screw that up. She’s probably in the same boat, i.e. not wanting to piss you off so that you might end the friendship. I’m sure you’ll both be fine.

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