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September 17, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Becci

Why doesn’t my boyfriend like to hold hands, or walk with me with me in public?

That’s horrible! While I understand that some guys don’t really go for the whole ‘touchy-feely’ thing, this sounds different. A false sense of machismo can get in the way of some guys expressing their affection for their girlfriends if their mates are around, but quite frankly, it shouldn’t. If a guy isn’t comfortable with who you are in any situation, you need to consider whether that’s the kind of relationship you really want to be in.

That said, you need to ask your boyfriend about this yourself. Some people aren’t keen on holding hands, but are no less emotionally intimate for it.

In the scheme of things, this probably isn’t such a big deal. But if your boyfriend isn’t prepared to make you a part of his life, in public as well as in private, that’s a cause for concern.

My girlfriend has cheated on me 8 times when she has been drunk and she sends half naked pictures to other guys. she tells me she is going to change..i love her very much but i cant handle much more..should i dump her?

I hate to say it, but… Probably. Unless you’re comfortable with an ‘open relationship’ (and you probably wouldn’t be writing to me if you weren’t!), cheating is one of the most serious lines someone can cross in a relationship. The fact that she’s done it so regularly gives a pretty good indication she’s not serious about changing. She may mean it when she says it, she may not, but if she’s not prepared to actually do something to bring it, it doesn’t really make a lot of difference, at least from your perspective.

It’s worth considering that leaving her may be what she needs to make her carry out her promise. Sometimes a shock is all that people need to do things that they’ve been saying they’ll do for a long time, but have never gotten around to. She may be prepared to effect some serious changes in the hope you’ll take her back. Whether you’ll want to or not is another matter, of course.

Imagine you are dating the hottest woman (or man) on the planet (We’re talking top 1% in terms of looks, personality, intelligence, etc.). What one thing can he or she say that would cause you to break it off right there and then?

That’s a tough one! Unfortunately, I’m not the most decisive person in the world, so probably not all that much.

But there are a lot of things that would make me seriously consider whether I wanted to continue a relationship with that person. Some relate to them, others to their perception of me.

For example, racism really fucks me off. If they started telling racist jokes, even when they’re intended in good faith, I doubt I’d be sticking around much longer. I’m not quite sure how they came to be so popular anyway; somehow society seems to have accepted racism is okay, as long as everyone laughs when it’s done. It’s weird.

Other things which went seriously against my moral beliefs would probably create a similar result. If they revealed they took part in serious crime (and showed no remorse), or something along those lines, I’d be gone.

On the other hand, things that are probably more fundamental to a relationship would make me leave. It’s sad how often people are in relationships where one of them doesn’t even like (not like like, just generally find agreeable) the other party. That’s weird to me. I don’t understand why either of them would even consider staying in a relationship like that. So what they thought of me personally would probably be more likely than anything to cause me to break it off.

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