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September 17, 2007 | by  | in News |
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Eye on Exec: Muppets welcome ‘muppets’ title

The VUWSA exec was relatively well-behaved this week. Due to recent accusations of ‘Muppetry’, Environmental Officer Tushara Kodikara announced: “I’d like to remind everyone to act professionally, as we are being reported on.”

I think I can safely say that this was the most professional but boring exec meeting so far. I found myself wishing Education Vice President Joel Cosgrove would say something obnoxious to start an argument. To my amazement this never happened and I had to fight the urge to gnaw my own arm off due to intense boredom.

How university students are making their way to class is one area of concern to the exec. Cosgrove wants to push for discounts in public transport and parking. Kodikara highlighted the ‘greener’ options such as public transport passes and informing students of the quickest routes to walk to the university.

Paul Danger Brown included “stuffing himself full of pizza” in his weekly report. When questioned about the relevance of such claims, he responded “I feel I represented VUWSA pretty well.”

Treasurer Alexander Neilson bought up a hugely irrelevant and lengthy technical complaint about how someone had delivered a motion. I would have got a direct quote but I was too busy laughing my arse off. I can tell you it sounded something like “but the motion of the motion should not be moved if the motion is a motion because the motion is not technically correct but I like motion…motion!”

Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard tried to stab herself with a fork so she no longer had to listen to his ramblings. She failed to put herself out of her misery, however, largely due to the plastic nature of the fork so instead took up threatening Neilson with it yelling “stop talking or I’ll stab you with a fork, I swear to God!” – abandoning Kodikara’s earlier plea for professionalism.

The exec also questioned whether it is better to be environmentally friendly or professional. They pondered whether putting their name as well as position on their business cards would be wasteful as they can’t be reused. Cosgrove suggested having little stickers in which they can stick their name on the card, as writing on the back does not look “professional”. Brown said “I’m not so pretentious that I need my name on the business card.”

The unprecedented bulk buy of sausages by President Geoff Hayward was put in the urgent general business basket by Cosgrove. Hayward’s early departure from the meeting caused the interrogation to be postponed which left Cosgrove foaming at the mouth. Barnard saw little need to question Hayward as she believes “Geoff is an honest politician.”

Conversation next turned to the ‘muppet’ propaganda in circulation, courtesy of electioneers ‘The A-Team’. Cosgrove referred to them as “ridiculous personal attacks.” Kodikara agreed, calling the negative accusations “lies” and “bending the truth.” Other exec members were not concerned in the slightest at being branded muppets.

“I think everyone is being very ‘species-ist’…I find the muppets to be a very educational and entertaining species,” said Queer Rights Officer Rachel Wright. Brown whole-heartedly agreed and pointed out how long the muppets had been together and “what a good team” they were.

Cosgrove conceded that their work had been “quite groundbreaking.”

Despite a few incidents that made me smirk smugly with my critical pen at the ready, there was not much to fault about the meeting. The muppets seem to be getting on with their jobs despite criticism from the A-Team and, of course, the watchful eye of Salient.

Opinion by Jenna Powell

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  1. peteremcc says:

    Amazing what a bit of competition can do, eh?

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