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September 3, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Worst sports:

1. Dwarf Wrestling (If you are a dwarf)
2. Rugby
3. Volleyball (If you are a dwarf)
4. Basketball (If you are a dwarf)
5. Dwarf Ten Pin Bowling (If you are a dwarf)

Cool things about being a New Zealander:

1. We are all so incredibly intelligent
2. Rugby
3. The lack of apathy
4. Sarcasm (see above)
5. The Black Seeds

Breakup lines:

1. “It’s not me, it’s you.”
2. “It’s not me, it’s my cousin.”
3. “It’s not me, it’s my cousin’s third form English teacher.”
4. “It’s not me, it’s The Black Seeds.”
5. “It’s not me, it’s that Barnaby guy from that boring band.”

Names for New Zealand:

1. ANZ
2. Human sheep land
3. The All Blacks
4. The Black Seeds
5. The Kingdom of Barnaby

People to have sex with:

1. Yourself, in front of Barnaby Weir
2. The editor of Salient
3. Your mum
4. Me
5. Anyone but Barnaby Weir

Sexual positions:

1. Barnaby Weir on top
2. Barnaby Weir doggy style
3. Barnaby Weir in a 69er
4. Standing Barnaby Weir against a wall
5. Barnaby Weir used as a contraceptive device whilst doing the rest of The Black Seeds

Let downs:

1. Your first time
2. Anything that is sold to you as ‘Awesome’
3. New Zealand
4. Your children
5. P

Weird baby names:

1. Steve Nicoll
2. Blanket
3. Rainsforth Dix
4. Potato Zoo
5. 4Real

Really long German words:

1. Straßenbahnschaffnerin (female tram conductor)
2. Verantwortungsbewusstsein (sense of responsibility)
3. Bundesausbildungsförderungsgesetz (regulation governing financial assistance for students of higher education)
4. Hottentottenpotentatentantenattentat (Hottentot Potentate’s aunt assassination)
5. Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachung saufgabenübertragungsgesetz (beef labeling regulation & delegation of supervision law)

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About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (2)

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  1. Shitkicker McGee says:

    These top fives suck. Really badly. They are an embarrassment to student media.

  2. King Barnaby says:

    hmmm yes…. back to school kids! I use salient as toilet paper…for my dog.

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