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October 8, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Becci

I am gay. Yes I know that it is something the open minded people here at Vic are used to but my parents are a different story. I went to a Seventh Day Adventists school and had it hammered into me that I was a sinner if I was to lie down with another man. How do I tell my parents that I have joined a group called UniQ and the reason for me doing this? I also have a crush on a friend I met in my Commercial Law tutorial. I don’t know if he is gay. How do I broach the subject with him? Should I make hints by telling him that I like the Village People and Kylie Minogue?

Gayzed and Confused

Coming out is a big deal. It doesn’t need to be, and it probably shouldn’t be, but it is. Today, at least.

UniQ are actually a really great support group. They’ve all been through this before. Some are from religious backgrounds as well. So they can help you with what to say, or how to bring up the subject. I should probably point out that it is actually kind of difficult to pinpoint where the Bible expressly forbids homosexuality. Even the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, which is usually used as the explanation, refers to the rape of angels in the Greek version. The gender of the angels is coincidental. Just something to ponder.

As for the Village People – don’t fall into the trap of assuming all gay people listen to stereotypical gay music. How Kylie came to represent homosexuality I don’t think I’ll ever grasp! Yet for whatever reason, she does. So if you were aiming to drop a hint, that would definitely be one way to do it. But another thing to consider is just to ask him out!

I have a lesbian friend who normally seems to have a crush on someone or other. But she’s never prepared to ask them out because she’s so adamant that every girl in the world is straight, and it would be embarrassing. The fact is, straight people ask each other out and get turned down all the time. It’s not that big a deal, and it’s really not all that embarrassing either. And there’s even less reason for it to be embarrassing if your sexualities don’t happen to coincide. Then if they say no, it’s not a slight on you in any way!

I don’t love my boyfriend, even though he is smitten with me. I want to break it off, but don’t want to hurt him. I mean, it’s okay for guys to break it off with a girl, especially if they don’t want to commit, but it’s much harder for us women. I don’t know how to do it. Should I do it in person, text, email or plaster it on my Facebook wall?

I am not a femme fatale

First off, femme fatales are hot! There are much worse things to be. That said, being totally cold-blooded does seem to work better in fiction than in real life.

Second of all, I don’t think it’s harder for a woman to break off a relationship. I know you can feel like a cow for breaking up with a guy who really likes you, but that shouldn’t stop you doing it. If you’ve thought hard about it and decided it’s not going to work, the best thing you can do is just ‘fess up and tell him.

He will likely want to know why. I’m sure you’d feel better if you give him the whole “It’s not you, it’s me,” treatment, but that doesn’t really help anyone. The best thing you can do is just be honest. There’s no need to rub it in, but you should be prepared to explain your reasons.

As for the best way to do it – nothing beats in person. Text, email, and online are all really crap ways to break up with someone. And on your Facebook wall? I’d call that less ‘femme fatale’ and more ‘evil bitch’. If you don’t think you can handle doing it in person, on the phone is an acceptable alternative.

My girlfriend wants me to go down on her, but I am unsure. I am a bit new at this kind of thing and the whole ‘smells like fish, tastes like chicken’ thing is on my mind. I really love my girlfriend but I can’t seem to get past sexist stereotypes about her body. Any advice?

Fishy Ben

This advice is going to be really unhelpful – but the best thing you can do is just mentally prepare yourself and try it. I’d normally recommend talking about it, but us girls have enough body issues as it is without having to worry about how we smell ‘down there’. I understand some guys are really uncomfortable about it, but most seem to be totally in favour! Most of my male mates seem to think that going down on a girl is just dandy.

And from my own personal experience, I have to agree. I shared your qualms initially, but it was surprisingly non-traumatic and almost like kissing her lips. Which I’d much prefer over having something shoved down my throat. But that’s just me. And I’ve learnt that if a girl takes care of her personal hygiene, there shouldn’t be any noticeable odour or taste.

It can also actually be quite empowering – you know that whatever she’s going to get out of this is entirely up to you. Any moans she makes are entirely due to your own skill at the art of cunnilingus. And the fact that you’re that close to her while she’s getting her rocks off is pretty hot in itself. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help. But really, you just need to get ready and allow her to guide you. She’ll know what she wants you to do. Provided you can follow some simple instructions, you’ll both have a great time!

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