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March 10, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
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Lilo does Monroe…Naked

Well, well it’s a new year, a new online weekly column, and my partner in crime, Hans has unfortunately left me for a big swanky full-time job. Last year we covered all sorts of exciting and extremely, dare I say it… important stuff, such as the train wreck known as Britney (don’t worry, plenty more to come this year – she forever provides a source of inspiration for this column) , Pirates of the Caribbean Porn (featuring a sexy squidman and Keira going at it) the bitchy, myspace and all the other ‘social networking sites’ (I still want to know why the hell we need the rest of them by the way), our dawg, DMX, and of course, (for our fans) the Gilmore Girls.

So to christen the column for 2008, I thought long and hard and realised that the answer to the question, what should I write about for you this week, was only all too clear. There was only one possible topic in my mind. And that is, of course, Lindsay Lohan. Or more to the point, Lindsay Lohan posing naked…as Marilyn Monroe…in NY Mag.

LiLo doing Monroe, you say? And nude even? I know, amazing, I’m as shocked as you are. But what’s even more shocking is the fact that she actually looks almost, oh god I don’t know if I can use this word in the same paragraph as her name, classy. Yes that’s right classy. Sure you can fully see her huge boobs, but she’s got the whole diamonds are a girl’s best friend thing going on, as well as some sweet, sheer scarf action, including some weird net she has over her head in one shot that reminds me of some kind of ‘gone fishing’ meets ‘I’m getting married today’ attire. And she manages to make being naked not actually look completely trash, unlike what might be said about her with her clothes on.

This is interesting on so many levels: despite Marilyn being such an enduring icon of femininity, beauty, sensuality and glamour, she is still the last broad you might expect Lindsay to pay homage to. Even more interesting is that according to NY Mag, the photos are based on ‘The Last Sitting’, the last photos ever to be taken of a boozy Marilyn Monroe ‘sleepy eyed and naked…sipping from a champagne glass’, six weeks before she allegedly OD’ed on barbiturates and died. God it’s all very post-modern isn’t it – Lohan herself has had a scandalous love affair with the drugs and booze, are we going to see life imitating art here again? I guess only time will tell, these pictures came out on Feb 18, it hasn’t been six weeks yet… But what a waste of a great publicity move that would be.

Bizarrely, Lohan has also bought an apartment where Marilyn used to live, and a whole lot of other Marilyn ‘stuff’, including a painting of her with a ‘a big bottle of pills next to her, and they’ve fallen over’ oh the irony, oh the rich symbolism.

Lindsay actually looks pretty hot in a few of the pictures, but her freckles belie her ginger heritage. Do gentlemen really prefer blondes, and does it matter if they come out of a bottle (or in this case, a wig store)? Also, am I the only one who thinks the pile of glittering diamonds she’s lying all blissed out in looks suspiciously similar to a pile of glittering coke? I mean what would a stunt like this be by LiLo without some kind of drug reference? Um…pretty fucking boring most probably eh.

You can perv on her photos and read their accompanying story online (yes online!) here: fashion/08/spring/44247/

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