Viewport width =
March 24, 2008 | by  | in News |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

The week that wasn’t

Scientists discover new dimension

Scientists in Lafayette, Louisiana, this week have discovered a new dimension. Dr. Karl Gruber of the South Louisiana University of Technology (SLUT) said on Monday that “the dimension appears to be situated in a localised area of spacetime, in the approximate vicinity of Britney Spears.”

Asked to characterize the new dimension, SLUT scientists commented that it was unlike any other dimension yet discovered. It exhibits parallel universe-like qualities. Only one person has been known to be able to enter into the dimension, and that is Britney herself. Other people who have tried, Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline, have emerged horribly disfigured.

SLUT scientists nicknamed the new dimension “Crazy” after one of the Louisiana raised pop singer’s songs.

The physics department of SLUT is now researching the possibility of interlinking wormholes between the realities of celebrities, such as Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.


Late last week gold was discovered under the Vice Chancellor’s office by prospectors from Kensington Resources Limited (KRL). The boon came after three weeks of secret searching by KRL and VUW management. KRL estimates that the university is a gold mine of epic proportions and that the university will be able to generate massive amounts of profits from the running of an open cast mine where the Union Building currently is.

Geology students are suitably “pissed off” that the VC allowed external prospectors onto campus to search for gold. One undergrad student in the school of Geography, Environment and Earth Sciences said that “This is just another example of the students of Vic being undermined by management.”

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

The editor of this fine rag for 2009.

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. Storytime: Angst, Agony, and Adorable Babies in Teen Mom YouTube
  2. VUWSA Responds to Provost’s Mid-Year Assessment Changes
  3. Te Papa’s Squid is Back and Better Than Ever
  4. Draft Sexual Harassment Policy Consultation Seeing Mixed Responses
  5. Vigil Held For Victims of Sri Lankan Easter Sunday Attacks
  6. Whakahokia te reo mai i te mata o te pene, ki te mata o te arero – Te Wharehuia Milroy Dies Aged 81
  7. Eye on the Exec – 20/05
  8. Critic to Launch Hostile Takeover of BuzzFeed
  9. Issue 10 – Like and Subscribe
  10. An Overdue Lesson in Anatomy

Editor's Pick

Burnt Honey

: First tutorial of the year. When I open the door, I underestimate my strength, thinking it to be all used up in my journey here. It swings open violently and I trip into the room where awkward gazes greet me. Frozen, my legs are lead and I’m stuck on display for too long. My ov