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April 28, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
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Miller Time

Why don’t they just arrest these guys?

If you just read the newspapers you could be forgiven for thinking that the biggest criminal gang in the country was called Society, Upbringing and Difficult Circumstances.

These guys are implicated in virtually everything.

They disappear as soon as something good happens. You never hear some one say:

“Yeah I scored the match winning try in the World Cup but it wasn’t really me – it was more a direct result of societal pressures since colonization…”

Actually, Murray Mexted might say something like that…

Selling out the classics

You know you are beginning to whore out a classic brand when the emo kid in front of you is wearing Harley Davidson branded jandals.

Preserving the Monarchy

Ironically, Mohamed al-Fayed’s recent tirade against the Royal Family may have actually extended the monarchy for a couple of years. The Windsor’s picked up a bit of public sympathy because al-Fayed simply made too many mistakes in his testimony.

He said Prince Philip’s original name was “Frankenstein” when of course it was actually “Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg- Glücksburg”. Then he referred to Camilla as a “crocodile wife” even though she clearly looks more like a horse.

However, the big mistake was his conspiracy theory. If you want people to believe there was a vast international conspiracy which included the Royal Family, the media and the British and French intelligence services (who last talked to each other in 1938), you need a plausible mastermind at the helm.

Prince Philip does not fit the bill.

Music Channel Presenters

Music Channel Presenters seem to be selected based on a set of key characteristics.

They must be:

Hyper-active and have the attention span of a hamster on P The owner of a asymmetrical haircut Pierced, somewhere… Able to use “um”, “wicked” and “yeah” twice in every sentence.

They must not have:

Any knowledge of what is coming up next The ability to sit still Any understanding of grammar or sentence structure The desire to ever look directly at the camera.

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