Viewport width =
May 26, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Salient – Top 5 Diseases for the 21st Century:

1. Dysmemia: inability to find internet culture amusing.
2. Vodaphobia: possession of a Telecom mobile.
3. Hypochondrocoelia: delusions of food allergies.
4. Homosexuality: inability to conceive.
5. Depression: see above.

Top 5 Sources of Existential Angst for the 21st Century:
1. Unsatisfying pornography.
2. Meaningless webcomics.
3. Climate change survivor’s guilt.
4. Education.
5. The realization that your boyfriend looks better in your vamp skirt than you do.

Top 5 Things said in the Salient offices this week:
1. It’s like I’m searching through a bucket of shit for a piece of gold that ISN’T THERE.
2. Everyone knows I’m internets.
3. He’s a tsunami of gay.
4. You’ve got quite a womanly body.
5. Sometimes I come in and email myself.

Top 5 Things to say to a Lecturer:
1. Flatter their frail insecure egos by saying how you read their paper as they have been promoting it in class and say how brilliant it was.
2. Say that you totally agree with their stance and see the opposing viewpoint as total rubbish. Expect an increase in grades.
3. Say you’re the coolest, most hip in your department and see all those wounds heal after years of being taunted as the class nerd.
4. Praise them in evaluations and tell them.
5. Say you’re wearing no underwear and see their reaction.

Top five Things that have been scientifically proven to reduce your IQ:
1. Reading the letters page of Salient
2. Reading Salient
3. Those ‘who would win in a fight between …’ things
4. Beer
5. Commerce degree

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Recent posts

  1. Cuttin’ it with with Miss June
  2. SWAT
  3. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  4. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  5. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  6. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  7. Presidential Address
  8. Final Review
  9. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise
  10. It’s Fall in my Heart

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided