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June 23, 2008 | by  | in Online Only |
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Political stuff

Some crazy shit has gone down recently in politics so here is some of it in no particular order:

POLLS SAY LABOUR IS FUCKED!

Three recent polls have put Labour way behind National. The media has reported this as news. Sorry, but it is not. Labour has been behind in the polls for a while. This is not news. What is news is that Clark thinks polls are a lot of shit. Which could be seen by some people as denial of an imminent loss in an election. Others realise that Helen might be smarter than that and realise that polls are answered primarily by people who can a) afford landlines or do not have a landline because they have a mobile, b) are at home between 6 and 9 pm midweek, and c) who deign to give up 5 minutes of their time to answer the questions of the pollster.

Moral of the story: Media outlets shouldn’t portray the results of biased polls as actual results: “That followed Saturday’s Fairfax Media poll by AC Nielsen showing National winning 54 percent of the party vote against Labour’s 30 per cent.” (from a stuff.co.nz story) No sorry, they didn’t win 54% of the party vote. What really happened is that 54% of people asked in the poll who can afford landlines or do not rely on their mobile, who are at home between 6 and 9 pm midweek, and who deign to give up 5 minutes of their time to answer the questions of the pollster said they would vote National a few months out from an election. Which is a totally different prospect. Polls should be banned from the hands of evil media outlets controlled by reptilian shapeshifters like Tim Pankhurst, who use them as news.

WINSTON HATED BY OTHER POLITICIANS. NO SHIT!

Matthew Hooton, some dude who worked for National back in the day and is now a political commentator (one wonders how people who have been highly involved in the day to day partisanship of political parties can be taken seriously as authorities in the media about politics) came out today and said that there was collusion between those evil mean communist parties, that we know as National and Labour, to quash our democratic freedoms, by eliminating Winston Peters in Tauranga.

Hooton says: “For Labour to make it easier for him [Winnie] to win Tauranga would be a dreadful mistake for them in terms of the potential to put forward a Government.”

Sorry Mr. Hooton, but people in Tauranga should vote for who they want as their electorate MP. That is how representative democracy works. Just because you dislike Winnie and see him as a destructive force in NZ politics, does not mean that all people see him this way. He has provided humour, good looks, and hard work for the people of Tauranga for what seems like forever. If people want to vote for him they should, just as they should vote for the Labour or the National candidate if they feel they would do a better job.

This shows most people – even the people involved in politics – are ignorant of how MMP works. Even though the polls (the reliability of which I talked about above) show that National could win more that 50% of the vote, they shouldn’t count on this. One sure way of alienating one of the most torrentially polemic forces in NZ politics is to put him on the outside of NZ politics. Should he win Tauranga or if NZ First captures 5% of the party vote (which I hate to believe is still possible, but it probably will happen) Winston will have a renewed sense of self importance and will wreak havoc on both parties. Lets face it, 2005 – 2008 he has been a force of stability for the Labour govt, he’s not that bad (except the racist stuff.) Also if National gets just under 50% and needs a few seats to patch together an agreement, where will they get them from? It is unlikely that the Greens or Maori party (the two biggest minor parties) will work with the Nats, so they will have to rely on Hide, Dunne and maybe… Peters.

Moral of the story: Radio New Zealand should replace Hooton with ME and Labour and National should do their own thing in Tauranga and not join forces in an axis of evil to plot the demise of Winston.

JOHN KEY FLAUNTS OPULENCE

John Key, leader of the National Party gave $30,000 to the National Party. Think of what $30,000 could buy… mmmm that’s like 8570 bottles of V or a tertiary education.

Creepily $30,000 is also a book by Robert Schutz who says there are two types of income: earned(you know like the dollars you get for working your ass off for Telecom for two years at minimum wage) and unearned(they type which Mr. Key derives most of his income from and how he can afford to buy houses in Hawaii.) Schutz calculated that $30,000 was the amount that people needed as a guaranteed annual income (in 1990) to solve not only social ills, but inflation, and the growing gap between rich and poor in America.

Maybe this is some ironically malicious tribute to the ideas that he hopes to destroy (lol).

STUPID PEOPLE REALLY REALY REALLY WANT TO BE ABLE TO FUCK UP THEIR KIDS!

The Kiwi Party (whose leader Larry Baldock is incidentally going to run for the Tauranga electorate) says: “They will not drown out the voice of the people!” By “voice” I guess he means signatures, and by “the people” he probably actually means the small percentage of NZ who want to be able to use the defence of discipline when they beat their children.

In a press release today Baldock claimed that they had collected 400,000 signatures. Most of which are mine, using a fake name, a fake signature and using my left hand to sign. Hardy har har.

Instead of actually talking about the substance of the child discipline legislation, and making coherent points, Mr. Baldock plays on peoples ignorance of what they perceive the act to mean.

As Bradford said: “There’s still no evidence that I can see of parents being arrested and dragged through the courts for unnecessary reasons or of children being forcibly removed from their parents because they smack, which was all the sort of stuff our opponents put up while the bill was in front of Parliament.”

Lets face it the anti-smacking act probably won’t change when it comes up for review in a little while and the anti anti-smacking act petition is a badly worded experiment in the uselessness of non-binding referenda initiated by 10% of the population.

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About the Author ()

The editor of this fine rag for 2009.

Comments (24)

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  1. Brian says:

    what an immature arrogant article, referenda arent initiated by 10% of the population, they are initiated by a citizen. Pollling companies do call mobiles on occasion and also poll outside 6-9pm on occasion.

    Radio NZ wouldn’t want you. They need someone that is credible and can provide proper and reliable analysis.

    You cant do that.

  2. Sid says:

    Thanks Brian.

    Now that you’ve ripped the shit out of perfectly good BLOG entry by someone who has a degree in politics, and has been interviewed and selected to be political editor writing many decent pieces of the last trimester, I’m sure you’re going to back it up with a fantastic contribution to Salient on what you have to say on the current political climate.

    Say something intelligent or shut up.

  3. Jackson Wood says:

    “Referenda arent initiated by 10% of the population, they are initiated by a citizen.”
    True one citizen initiates them, but they’re also required to get 10% of eligible voters to sign a bit of paper saying that they want a referendum about x issue. Without the signatures there is no referendum. The point that I was trying to make was that you need more than one person to be involved in the process.

    There are better things one could do with ones time than try and get signatures. Forming a political party (you only need 500 people rather than 300,000 odd), lobbying, writing on the Salient site or sacrificing small animals on the steps of Parliament. These are all better tools to effect policy change than any previous CIR NZ has ever had.

    “Pollling companies do call mobiles on occasion and also poll outside 6-9pm on occasion.”

    On occasion and on occasion? Mobiles are not the preferred mode of contact because few are listed and it is more expensive to call them. How many people are they missing out because of unlisted (the overwhelming majority of mobiles) or pre paid mobiles.

    Now that I think about it, polling companies probably also exclude NZ’ers living overseas who are still eligible to vote (self explanatory), deaf people (they can’t hear and there are about 204,700 people in NZ with some level of hearing impairment), Libertarians (no economic incentive), people who don’t speak English (about 2.2% of the population), people who are cooking dinner, shift workers, and even people who have had a bad day. Polling companies disenfranchise all these people who in an actual election are able to vote.

    I wouldn’t blame Radio NZ for not hiring me. I wouldn’t either. I’m terrible on the radio as anyone who has ever listened to me on the VBC will tell you.

  4. Hereticus Imphysician says:

    “There are better things one could do with ones time than try and get signatures. Forming a political party (you only need 500 people rather than 300,000 odd), lobbying, writing on the Salient site or sacrificing small animals on the steps of Parliament.”

    Sacrificing small herbs on parliament lawn is also a fun tactic. Sadly it doesn’t seem to work either… i guess the moral of all this is that parliament prefers to pass the laws it wants, not those that a lobby – however large – desires. Yeah, it’s good that politicians don’t treat CIR like the Torah and bow to vocal minorities, but i don’t think it’s unfair to accuse our government of ignoring their public. And that way irrelevance lies.

  5. Hellz says:

    I worked for a polling company and you are right Jackson, we don’t call mobiles and my shift was 6pm-9pm so the dinner thing is pretty self explanatory. Hardly anyone answers these polls, as I would know, so I am highly skeptical of any data they produce.

  6. Grabby McGrab says:

    Larry Baldock is an asshole.

    And Tauranga is doomed.

  7. sicklywhiteliberal says:

    So there are still people who seriously think that Labour can still win?

  8. davidicke says:

    I know Tim real well, he is a real upstanding chap… Um I think what the issue is that polls aren’t generally accurate, but they can affect public political behaviour. Labour is now consistently polling significantly lower than they were in 2005 say, so I would be very surprised with the way the economy is going and other political issues if Helen has a 4th term as PM, so dream on people…

  9. Dont forget everyone that this is an MMP election. Labour doesn’t need to ‘win’ the election to form the next government. There just need to be a combination of parties with enough seats to form a majority government.

    That could mean another Labour led minority government, or, it could be a National led government. I don’t think National will be able to secure the outright win.

  10. blogette says:

    Do you mean “opulence”

  11. Jackson Wood says:

    Yes, yes I did. Fixed!
    (I could also have easily meant feculence)

  12. Sam C says:

    Jackson makes some solid points in his article. It is easy to nit-pick at the minute details like vultures scraping practically non-existent nutrients from rotting corpses.

    Quite frankly its a breath of fresh air in a media environment that resembles what is colloquially referred to as a “dutch oven”.

  13. Jackson Wood says:

    I get woken up by Google notifier “DING”ing just for that? Ten points for incorporating “dutch oven” into a flame.

  14. hey Jacksin says:

    paraparap DING

  15. Shitkicker et al you kids are silly, I approve

  16. Karl Marx says:

    Is that where my academic tradition has brought us? You are all a disappointment, we’ll never get the vanguard up and running at this rate.

  17. Brian says:

    There just need to be a combination of parties with enough seats to form a majority government.
    Do you guys not understand politics? What happened to minority governments….

  18. Brian says:

    There just need to be a combination of parties with enough seats to form a majority government…That could mean another Labour led minority government.
    and how can a labour led minority government be a majority government?

  19. Karl Marx says:

    I think he meant majority in term of seats in the house Brian… as in, a makeup of parties comprising 61 seats.

  20. John says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha……Larry got enough signatures!!!! so go stick it!!!

  21. Big Fish says:

    John you buffoon. The “referendum” question has nothing to do with the smacking bill. So nothing – at all – will come of it.

    You still won’t be able to abuse your kids. Ha. Ha. Ha.

  22. Jackson Wood says:

    “Ha ha ha ha ha……Larry got enough signatures!!!! so go stick it!!!”
    Enough signatures from people who obviously want to waste tax payers money by making us have a referendum with a question that means nothing. The question is atrocious. It is ill informed. It misses the actual meaning of the repeal of section 59. People like Baldock and the emerging neo-con right of NZ have played off peoples ignorance about the legislation. Then if you look at New Zealand governments records of responding to these badly worded referenda you clearly see that nothing is going to happen about it.

    He got enough signatures. He won’t get enough votes. Ha. Ha. Ha.

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