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July 15, 2008 | by  | in Online Only |
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Political gossip page

In the last week things have been like totally going off in Wellington.

Musical Masters

Robert Mugabe was in Wellington last week to promote the New Zealand release of his debut album ZANU PF AINT NUTTIN’ TA FUK WIT. He was snapped with National Leader John Key on the red carpet outside the Loaded Hogg ball room where the event was held. After a few beers John and Rob and were seen in deep conversation about election techniques. Salient has a copy of the CD for review purposes, if you want a listen drop into the office.

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Tea and Sisha

Osama Bin Laden was the lunch guest of Helen Clark this week at Premier House earlier this week. Osama was sporting a little red number with some sensible shoes for walking the Wellingtons hills. This went well with Helen’s signature red top and Karen Walker pant suit. The two reportedly talked about key issues such as women’s rights, healthy eating, and interior cave decorating.

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Accountability and Certificates

This morning Winston Peters traded interview techniques with General Thein Sein of Myanmar. In an attempt to further the already strong Kiwi/Peacock relationship, Sein was invited to a conference in Rotarua this week, which culminated in a press conference with questions from the media. Choice quotes include: “Lets have some accountability here” and “Slothful, gutter journalism”. The press conference concluded with the two exchanging certificates of appreciation in each others dress sence.

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Oily

Last week Greens co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimmons was seen courting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Jeanette was sporting a lovely green open necked top and black blazer which offset Chavez’s eye hemorrhaging red shirt. The two were seen in the lobby of the Duxton hotel after the Ayn Rand Institutes mixer. The two looked fairly much enamoured with each other the entire night and Chavez was seen delivering a couple of barrels of oil to her Coromandal home the next day.

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UPDATE:

Here is a scan of Rob’s CD cover.

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About the Author ()

The editor of this fine rag for 2009.

Comments (5)

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  1. Gibbon says:

    Okay so what’s the point of this?
    Are you trying to satirise the Obama Muslim/Terrorist controversy?

  2. Jackson Wood says:

    There is no point. That is the beauty of it Gib. I just had some procrastination to do and this hit the spot nicely. Although… now that you mention it, yes it could be a satirisation of the obama muslim/terrorist controversy… or it could be a way of pointing out that things are not always what they seem, or that we shouldn’t trust photos, or perhaps that you shouldn’t leave Jackson alone with MS paint and an internet connection.

    Wanna hear some lyrics from the album? I was up to 3 am thinking writing these!

  3. Gibbon says:

    Yes please.

  4. Jackson Wood says:

    Sung to the 3rd verse of Fuck tha Police:

    “Fuckin with me coz Ima Dicktator
    with an iron grip and hyper inflation
    Searchin my Harare, lookin for the gument
    thinking ZANU PF is sumthin ta fuck wit”

  5. I should very much like to meet with you Mister Woods. Your evident skill in the visual arts has caught my attention and I would like to discuss an arrangement to our mutual benefit.
    Regards,
    H. E.

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