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September 22, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
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Dude, what’s with movie food?

It’s not really all movie food that’s weird: Tangy Fruits (which along with Snifters are about to be discontinued by the way. Sucks for you) are totally sensible. But two particular kinds are weird. Popcorn and candyfloss.

Popcorn. It is like corn, but stupid. Regular corn gets dried out somehow, and goes kind of orange? And pointy, which I guess makes sense. But then you heat it up, and it goes “POP!” Which is cool too, because I often say that as I go about my day (I get fewer strange looks than you might guess). But strangely enough, when it goes pop, it expands to like 10 times its volume. Things shouldn’t do that… And they especially shouldn’t achieve this by turning INSIDE OUT.

Because that’s silly. I know there are wanky postmodern architects who design buildings where the interior is bigger than the exterior. But these are pretend buildings. They’re not real. Popcorn is real. So why is the inside of a popcorn kernel so much bigger than the actual kernel? It is a mystery. A CRAZY mystery.

And candyfloss. It also has lots of volume per… Volume per kilo? Sure. That’ll do. But it’s made from sugar, so it’s not so healthy. It IS sugar, I’m told. But, obviously, crazy sugar gone crazy.

That’s cool, and it’s pink, which I like. Has anyone noticed how pink foods automatically taste better than non-pink foods? I’ve noticed this, with the possible exception of pink lemonade. Pink gin totally conforms to the pattern.

But you know how M n Ms melt in your mouth, not your hand? Candyfloss does that too. But it doesn’t just melt, it DISAPPEARS. Like, it’s in your mouth, and a few seconds later, it’s gone. That’s cool, and I like how it feels, but oh man is it weird.

But they are both awesome and delicious, so I’ll let it slide.

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