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September 27, 2008 | by  | in Online Only |
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McQuillanation of the candidnation

For once there’s a VUWSA election where I’m not backing any candidates. This is because they all suck. No, no, I joke. Now that I’ve moved on from Victoria University, Salient and ever having to attend another VUWSA exec meeting, it delights me to bring you a guide to the VUWSA election candidates without fear that they’ll deny me pizza at a meeting or write letters to the Publications Committee about me.

Voters, here are your candidates:

Sonny Thomas

Once dubbed the ‘ugliest gay man in Wellington’, Thomas actually appeals to some voters “because he looks like a giant”. A Young Labour member, Thomas has been accused by some as wanting the presidential post to boost his chances of one day becoming an MP.

Thomas is currently VUWSA Campaigns Officer, has a fairly big personality, and a vision for the job. He is also in support of the VUWSA change document, which proposes many changes for the association including job cuts and cost cutting. When he ran for the Campaigns portfolio and University Council last year, he opposed similar changes put forward by the A-Team.

Jasmine Freemantle

Freemantle has added – and been rejected by – me twice on Facebook. Don’t you hate when people who you’ve never even met add you? I know I do.

Freemantle is said to be the most qualified for the job, having been involved in the VUWSA exec and other boards and committees previously.

Her communist associations have counted against her so far this election, with one student who voted for her being gutted after I informed them she goes out with Nick Kelly, and hangs out with Joel Cosgrove.

Freemantle could increase her appeal to voters by letting her eyebrows grow out a bit for a more natural look.

Sean Connors

Connors fundraised via Facebook to rent a panda suit for campaigning, which was totally rad. He has also made a super funny video on Facebook which includes references to falafel and twirling, which has helped to boost his popular appeal.

A number of members of his Facebook group are right-wingers, including Peter McCaffrey and Holly Ford. He also appears to have support from the left, however, having been photographed with Joel Cosgrove. Cosgrove may even be touching Connors’ bum. Ooh la la!

Despite the panda suit, Connors has lost brownie points with the greenies after reportedly telling students that he hates polar bears and if he sees any on campus, he will shoot them.

Peter Manglethwaite

The ‘dark horse’ of this election, Manglethwaite did not register to run as a candidate but is encouraging supporters to add his name to their forms.

Manglethwaite is said to be a graduate student who lives in a Kombi van in Wilton Park with his pet fish. His Facebook profile shows his ‘Nation’ is called ‘Downytard’, an allusion to Trig Palin, whom he often mocks.

He has some of the best posters and slogans of the campaign, including ‘Down for whatever with the tangata whenua’, and despite looking like a sex offender, he’s picked by some as a favourite to take away the presidential hat.

William Wu

Initially left off this list (well, he doesn’t DO anything), Wu is currently International Officer. He is a quiet chap who protested a bit earlier this year about those racist Salientites making fun of Hu Jintao (those hoes).

Wu could not be found on Facebook (I found a William Wu, and he looked like William Wu, except that I don’t know if I’ve ever seen William Wu, and it wasn’t him anyway).

Umm so… I hear he’s a nice guy…

So, voters, the choice is yours. Now tell me this: whatever happened to Nick O’Kane? I miss that guy.

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About the Author ()

With her take-no-prisoners, kick-ass attitude, former News Editor Laura McQuillan adequately makes up for her lack of stature. Roaming the corridors (and underground tunnels) of the University by day, and hunting vampires and Nazi war criminals by night, McQuillan will stop at nothing to bring you the freshest news.

Comments (11)

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  1. Chris says:

    Nick was probably so offended by the outrageous slurs constantly made about him and his sexuality that he left Victoria for more hospitable and conservative climes.

    Like Palmerston North.

  2. Sam says:

    As someone close to the Connors campaign, I can assure people that Sean neither holds, nor understands, any political ideologies.

  3. Michael Oliver says:

    lmao

    I love Sean Connors’ absurd campaign.

  4. Jenna Powell says:

    I laughed very hard while reading this and pissed off people trying to study.

  5. Laura McQuillan says:

    Haha thanks Jenna. PS I forgot to text you back but super congrats on your placing – and to everyone who placed or even took part in Salient this year. (Are we turning this website into Facebook? Maybe)

  6. tits out for the boyz says:

    Sonny’s not gay, he’s bisexual. Just so the lovely ladies don’t think they’re missing out.

  7. Trig Palin says:

    Oh thank God.

  8. ? says:

    Why did you only mention Sonny’s sexuality Laura? Surely if it was of any relevance you would of also included everyone. Fuck there are even some ugly straight men running for president.

    And why are you still on the Salient blog?

  9. Wee Hamish says:

    Fuck off, ?, nobody cares.

  10. Laura McQuillan says:

    I only mentioned Sonny’s sexuality because I saw the quote on Whale Oil (although I did mention Jasmine goes out with Nick Kelly, which alludes to her being heterosexual, or perhaps bisexual).
    If you couldn’t tell, the entire article was based on hearsay and Facebook.
    Why am I still on the Salient blog? Gives me something to do.

  11. Grint Holloway says:

    Actually Laura mentioned the fact that he is a young labour member. He is big. That he wants to be president so that it is a stepping stone to parliament. She also mentions that he supports the change document and that he is a hypocrite because he opposed similar changes proposed by the A-Team last year.

    So she didn’t only mention his sexuality, but presented a raft of his inadequacies, as she did for all the candidates.

    Oh, Sean Connors is a dreamboat FYI.

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