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October 6, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
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So Long, Farewell

Being that this is the last time I will get to advocate in the name of bad taste, I thought I would go down swinging for something many parents, dentists and anti-obesity groups deem to be the Devil. Cadbury Schweppes – you know the guys that are discontinuing the production of Snifters, Sparkles and Tangy Fruits. As the cliché goes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Immediately after the announcement thousands of people suddenly remembered they not only like these lollies but have a deeply rooted attachment to them. How dare the big bad candy man take away something so important to you all, as clearly conveyed by everyone you’ve talked to about their religious purchasing of the sweets…

I personally don’t know what everyone is complaining about. Admittedly Snifters had all the promise of being the party favourite, with such an ingeniously witty name (Snifter, like sniff, like cos it’s a mint! Brilliant stuff) and the goodness of chocolate surrounded by the usefulness of mint. Unfortunately the lingering taste on the tongue after a Snifter was more reminiscent of ass than mint, especially if you accidently chewed rather than sucked. Sparkles… let’s just say all that sparkles isn’t gold, and they were impossible to have in one sitting, unless you’re down with sugar headaches. Tangy Fruits are only ever consumed by moviegoers and probably belong to a time when your movie ticket was $5.50 and there were wooden floor boards.

There has been absolute outcry at this decision. Facebook groups have been created to try and save the candy, petitions have been set up, boycotts rallied, and there have even been suggestions that if this were to become a campaign issue, it could win John Key the election. Words like ‘Corporate Whoreism’, and ‘Unpatriotic’ have been bandied around the place and big questions like “What is the world coming to?” have been asked. What indeed. It had never really sunk in just how badly the shit has hit the fan in this world until now. Have we as a society really become so completely removed from our own sense of responsibility, so accustomed to living in the ‘now generation’ and so used to having scapegoats?

Looking at the comments on Facebook, people’s main beef with the axing of the lollies is that they represented their childhood and are full of fond memories and creature comforts. In this cut-throat capitalist society, consumers actually have complete control over everything on the shelves. I’m just gonna put it out there, this is actually all entirely your own fault. If you really had the love affair you claim to have with these lollies they wouldn’t be going anywhere. I suggest that in future if you like something you should buy it on a regular basis, not just sit there and remember how much you used to like buying that thing. By being lazy consumers and taking for granted that they would always be there, you have been instrumental in the grave digging. You made the decision of the corporate bosses way too easy. Like taking candy from a baby.

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