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March 2, 2009 | by  | in News |
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Iron the Exec

Agreeing to do Iron the Exec, which I originally thought was a drinking game, is something that happened because I was hideously drunk, and Jackson (Editor) is there going “Hey Guy, you should do Eye on the Exec,” and Michael (news mole) is there going “Yeah, get him to do it,” and Sarita and Tristan are also there telling me if I want to join the Salient Phi Beta Kappa secret society I have to do it, as well as steal the Groper Bi Fella society’s whoopee cushion and put it under BK’s chair next time he goes out for a ciggy and a pie.

On Thursday evening, Michael Oliver (Moustache by Jake the Snake) and myself got stuck into some sitting down attention-paying. When the meeting began, I was a bit flummoxed at first because everyone was talking like this:

“Points motion to ruling minutes galoshing summation toward exemptions primed absenteeism divulging speaking rights upon a ViCComMM.com VuuwIC unanimous seconded carried rebuttled re-entered refrigerated queer action?”

An hour or so in, I began getting some serious doubts about the political knowledge of our VUASS leaders, when I realised they hadn’t even said a single thing about the Illuminati or Area 51 yet.

Now let’s look at the issues facing the student body in these times of need: What is everyone wearing? President Freemantle is wearing a Speights swandri with matching boy scout orienteering badges and hunting knife, an ogre-boned viking helmet and sporting a bastard sword stained with the blood of fallen Saxon warriors, a forearm tattoo of Eminem from the Up In Smoke tour, and a ‘Bring Back Buck’ hoodie.

My news reporting buddy Michael yeehaa-ed into the meeting on a Yamaha 600hp off-road quad bike, and is sporting a shoulder mounted plasma beam accelerator with LED targeting system that he bought off the IRA. I’m guiltily hoping he will shoot Joel in the well-loved penis with it.

I am drinking Guinness; (Head by St. Patrick) courtesy of course related costs. I have also managed to somehow misplace most of my clothing, and my belly button is winking heartily at all the presidential candidates, especially Ms Palin, but, to be honest, I’m not fussy. Hillary will do.

Seamus is wearing a flannel shirt, courtesy of Al from Home Improvement, and he and Nathan are doing some high grade Peruvian cocaine courtesy of Tim, also from Home Improvement.

Alexander is wearing a gaaaawwwjus satin blue cowboy suit and harlequin pants, workboots a la 80s Marilyn Manson, and a T-shirt displaying the phrase “FPS: Hurdle the weak, frag the strong”. This shirt, my science senses tell me, rules almost as much as my mates D&D “Choose Your Weapon” T-shirt with all the different sided dice, and I find myself drawn to it, and to some of Alex’s Guatemalan white.

There was some talk about renovations for the school of Arch & Des, and $12,400 was given to build V.A.T.S. on every level. Basically, what they want to do is make it just like Oblivion, but set in America in the near future, after a huge nuclear war. It will be made into a massive non-linear post-apocalyptic wasteland, where people have been underground in these huge “vaults” for decades, and when they finally come out, the whole world is filled with gigantic mutant scorpions. You can even change weapon during combat without using up any action points, which I think is slightly unrealistic, but even the best games—I mean design schools—need to keep an air of fantasy.

Oh yeah, and Joel got threatened with legal action if he didn’t pay back some money.

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Comments (3)

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  1. Schmoo says:

    What a shame, just when the eye on exec was starting to get really good. Bring back he guy who did the first lot. I enjoy mindless banter as much as the next, but not when it’s in place of how student money is being spent.

    Let’s just say…if I wanted to read how the author of this column felt about life, which I’m sure is the point of the column (Oh…hold up) I’d go through last years.

    Do film reviews. You’d win.

  2. Jackson Wood says:

    Schmoo: this was a one off. If you’d bothered to look through the rest of the news section you would have seen that there was also an Eye on the exec. In the magazine they were even on the same page.

    Damien, the Spitter of Corpses is a deep and insightful person. The analysis offered here is deeply penetrating, if you just look a little deeper.

  3. Schmoo says:

    Whatever. Your face.

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