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May 18, 2009 | by  | in News |
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Phone checked every 30 seconds for post-date text

A BA student from Victoria University of Wellington has drawn taunts and teasing from friends and flatmates after devoting much of her Saturday to waiting for a text message from the previous night’s date.

Alexis Gregory’s flatmates began noticing the 20-year-old’s peculiar behaviour during morning coffee, when she would arbitrarily open her phone, sigh despondently, and return it to her purse.

Gregory’s flatmate and friend Katherine Marshall attributes the neurotic behaviour to the mark left upon Gregory by date Andrew Henderson, 23.

“She, like, came inside all, like, giggly and pink,” Marshall said. “We asked her ‘OMIGOD DID YOU FUCK HIM?’ and Lexy, like, just blushed and said ‘Nooooooooooooo!’ but, like, apparently the date was real sweet and cute.”

Another flatmate, Samantha Daniels, became aware of Gregory’s compulsive phone checking early on.

“We were sitting in a café and I was trying to tell [Alexis] about this annoying thing at work, when she kept pulling out her phone and looking at it like a makeup mirror,” Daniels said.

“I knew she couldn’t be getting texts or anything, because she has this real distinct text message sound? It’s the opening bit to the Sex & The City and, like, I didn’t hear it at all, eh.”

Gregory insisted that the impression left by Henderson, whilst striking and “totally worthy” of a second date, was not the reason for her irrational phone inspection.

“Oh god no, no, no way. It’s just that… I’ve got this thing on my screen… wait, let me just look at it again. Motherfucker, nothing. I mean… uh… yeah there’s nothing on screen,” Gregory sighed. “There’s nothing ever on screen…”

Victoria University Psychology Professor, Dr David Martin, attributes Gregory’s neuroticism to a much-debated academic quandary known as “Textdate Fever.”

“Basically, young women develop an insatiable need to know whether or not a courtship is worthy of pursuing. Thus, they religiously check their pre-paid phones in the hope that the answer—which never arrives soon enough—will be to their liking,” Dr Martin said.

A study conducted by the University of Missouri in 1992 reached similar conclusions, only with home phones instead of mobiles. Young women would perch themselves within arm’s reach of a telephone “just in case” a potential mate contacted them. Oftentimes they would arbitrarily answer the phone without it even ringing.

Dr Martin’s assessment of Alexis Gregory’s situation, however, was far more succinct.

“I think Miss Gregory just wants to know if she’s going to get some dick action from this young fellow, which is an entirely reasonable question to ask.”

The man at the centre of the controversy, Andrew Henderson, could not be contacted by Salient, which prompted a surprise reaction from Gregory.

“OH MY GOD, YOU COULDN’T GET HOLD OF HIM? Oh shit, fuck, maybe he’s avoiding me, and he knows I’ve talked to you and now he’s avoiding you. Oh noooo… fuck… I should text him. NO, fuck, he has to text me first. That’s the rule. Oh fuck, shit, I really wanted to bang him too, fuck,” Gregory lamented.

“Actually, hang on, I think he’s working today. Oh yeah, he is. Haha, oh wow,” she concluded.

“Maybe he’s on a lunch break or something, I better just check my phone one more… aww, c’mon, fucking text back, you dick.”

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