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July 20, 2009 | by  | in Opinion |
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Folic Swine Rage

Look: It is easy. When I go and buy a loaf of bread I want a loaf of bread. I don’t want a fucking health lesson. I want flour, yeast and water, baked, sliced and packaged, ready for my consumption. I don’t want folic acid. If I wanted folic acid I would go buy some folic acid pills or eat foods rich in folic acid. Why should the government—shit, it isn’t even the New Zealand government, but the Australian government—force me into eating something I don’t want? I can’t think why. Unlike fluoride in drinking water, folic acid only delivers positive benefits to pregnant woman. Do I look like a pregnant woman? Hell no! (see attached photo) [Sorry buddy, not enough room. JJW]. I can also remove the fluoride from the water if I want to or I can collect my own rain water for very little cost. Bread is a different story.

If this regulation comes in, then I will have to bake my own bread or buy ‘organic’ bread. Fuck that. I don’t have time to make bread. I don’t want to buy a bread maker. I hate slicing that shit. It’s really hard. That is why I appreciate pre-sliced, packaged, non-folate containing bread. It saves me time.

And this isn’t even taking into account the possible negative side effects of folate overload. I’m a student. My daily diet looks something like this:

Breakfast: Toast
Lunch: Sandwiches
Dinner: Toasties

That’s almost a loaf of budget bread every day.

Also, who the fuck is paying for the folate? Does the government have a big silo full of the shit to hand out to bakers? Hell no. They’re making the baker pay for it. The baker is, of course—along with the butcher and candlestick maker—a canny bastard, he isn’t going to pay for it out of his own pocket. Fuck no. He’s passing that buck straight on to you: the eater of bread.

John Key. Tony Ryall. The decision is easy. Don’t put folic acid into our bread. Subsidise folic acid supplements for pregnant women. If people want to put folic acid into their body, they will. The majority of New Zealanders don’t. Just like they don’t want swine flu.

I don’t want folic acid in my bread and I definitely don’t want swine flu in my lungs. I was listening to National radio the other day and a health professional from Sydney was saying that the people dying—not the fucking fat ones or the chain smokers—were the young, slightly overweight people who should ordinarily be able to fight off a flu. Sheeeeeit. I guess I’m as good as dead.

When I’m in the supermarket getting my folic-free bread, I don’t want other people to touch me, or even breath the same air as me. That could lead to infection, or worse—death.
But it is a bit of a media beat up really, isn’t it? Seven people dead in New Zealand. According to my internet based research, almost 100 people a day die in NZ from non-natural causes including flu. Seven people out of four million over four weeks. Can you say sensationalising the news much?

Fuck it. I’m building a bunker, buying a bread maker and a gross of tami flu.

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