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August 3, 2009 | by  | in Opinion |
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In the week that wasn’t: Hazard lights allow courier to park wherever the fuck

An ancient law that allows courier drivers to park wherever the hell they want so long as their hazard lights are on has enraged many in the disability and footpath-using community.

The law, which dates back to 1994, grants courier drivers permission to utilise whatever public space they deem necessary so long as they take cautious steps to alert the public through continuous flashing lights.

Designed with ease of access for all-important flower bouquet and stationary deliveries, the law has become a popular feature of van-related couriering, but the frequency of its application has upset some.

CCS’s Norman Anderson found the law archaic and highly offensive to the disabled community.

“Oh, so they flash their stupid lights and all of a sudden they’re forgiven for fucking up my trip to the Warehouse?” Anderson said.

“We have those parks for a reason, ‘Cam.’ We may not be able to literally kick your asses, but if we could, oh ho ho, if we could…”

The law also drew criticism from pedestrians on the streets of Wellington last week.

“I can’t believe we live in a country where people are prepared to tolerate club rugby players in black ‘skins’ romping around delivering parcels,” said Ethel, 84.

“Frankly, whenever I see those flashing orange lights, I’m drawn into an uncontrollable rage. I almost feel like signing for my TradeMe parcel with ‘FUK-U’,” said Mark, 42.

Despite the palpable unhappiness, couriers spoken to by Salient were unrepentant, and insisted upon utilising the law to its full extent.

“Oh yeah, nah nah nah nah, yeah mate, yeah nah, yeah, nah oh yeah, nah mate, yeah nah, I think she’s a fuckin’ pearler of a law eh boy!” said courier driver Mike.

“Quite frankly, son, I think I’m doin’ the world a fuckin’ public service: them lights let people know how fuckin’ dog house my parkin’ is. Yeeeeah boooiii!”

Minister of Transport Stevie Joyce was unavailable for comment, apparently delayed by an oversized orange and yellow van blaring Usher on the corner of Willis Street and Lambton Quay last Friday.

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