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August 3, 2009 | by  | in Opinion |
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The Jacob’s Creek Chardonnay Pinot Noir Brut Cuvee

Type: Sparkling Wine

In absence of both-free wine and money to purchase cheap wine, I had to resort to panhandling on the street for my latest reviewed drop, doing embarrassing Irish jigs to House of Pain on Cuba Street at 3am in the morning while drunken louts asked me to show them the way to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Eventually, one kind soul took pity on my plight and handed over a 220ml bottle of Jacob’s Creek Chardonnay Pinot Noir Brut Cuvee, whispering the words, “Drink wisely, young Padawan,” before disappearing into the night. This mysterious stranger, who may or may not have been someone I just made up right now in my illness-induced delirium, is possibly the most exciting thing about this tiny little bottle of wine, which says a bit, but not as much as Jacob’s Creek would probably like it to.

The JCCPNBC does leave a good first impression. It’s bubbly and effervescent, but not so bubbly and effervescent that it feels like you’re going to die of carbon poison (Is that possible? Carbon poisoning?). It’s got a bit of a citrus-ish bite to it, but not so much of a bite that you feel like your palette has just been beaten in by a bunch of citrus thugs looking for his/her wallet. It’s a little bit bitter, but not so much so that the bitterness makes everything you consume for the next twenty-four hours taste like your tastebuds were removed by a surgeon, pissed on by a dog, and then put back in.

However, the honeymoon is fleeting at best, and it’s not long before you get back from Hawaii to realise he/she hates cats, is a supporter of the ‘Kiwi Party’ and has genital herpes, which they may or may not have transmitted to you during the hours of increasingly dull love-making you’ve been engaging in.
Or something.

I’m inclined to think that a large part of my increasingly negative reaction to the wine may have been down to my leaving the tiiiiiiny lid off of the tiiiiiiny 220ml bottle for an extended period of time. However, despite the flatness, it still rubbed me the wrong way as I got closer and closer to the bottom of the tiiiiiiny bottle. The wine moved increasingly towards the bitterness and the bite that I had found pleasantly repressed before, and it made me entertain suspicions that all the flavour was in the tiiiiiiny bubbles.

Overall, for $4, it’s not a waste per se, but it’s certainly not a wine that warrants repeat purchases.

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