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September 7, 2009 | by  | in News |
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LOL News!

Holy shit, gang insignia banned from local village!

The Wanganui District Council has banned gang insignia from the city, with mayor Michael Laws saying gang members will no longer be able to advertise their allegiances.

The bylaw gives police power to fine patch-wearers $2000 and take possession of the insignia.

It took less than 12 hours for one man to be charged, believed to have been wearing a Tribesman patch. Police said the man’s jacket was confiscated and that he will appear in court next week over the issue.

Holy shit, we lost the Ranfurly Shield!

Wellington relinquished rugby’s Ranfurly Shield two weeks ago with a limp and lethargic display against a star-studded Canterbury side, losing 36-14.

Canterbury, sporting All Blacks Dan Carter and Richie McCaw dominated proceedings from the beginning, capitalising on the capital side’s countless errors and hilarious misgivings, with Carter himself amassing 22 points.

Wellington scored two consolation tries in the dying minutes of the match, but it did little to peel away the skin of an utterly embarrassing performance.

Canterbury’s first defence of the log of wood will be against Otago on 12 September.

Holy shit, it’s the Loch Ness Monster!

Is it a boat? Is it a plane? Is it the fucking Loch Ness Monster back again?

Once again, an apparent sighting of the Loch Ness monster has caused another non-newsworthy story to emerge.

British newspaper The Sun has re-ported that Nottingham Security guard, Jason Cooke, “couldn’t believe it” when he spotted what he thought was the mysterious monster on Google Earth.

The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12’52.13”N, Longitude 4°34’14.16”W in Google Earth.

More than one hundred people have commented on the ‘news story’ online at Stuff.co.nz. Many skeptics believe that it is just a boat, but Stuff.co.nz commenter Janis offered a more imaginative alternative. “It could be a giant very slow moving bullet,” she said.

Holy shit, someone might want your old clothes!

The global financial crisis has prompted two middle-aged Auckland women to start their own clothes swapping website.

iSwish is a website that allows people to “swap until they drop” their old, never-worn, and unloved clothes online.

“We may be reluctant to admit it, but many of us, myself included, are guilty of buying too much,” says iSwish co-founder Karin Sjosten.

“Our site is the place where people swap fashionable items they have lost interest in wearing but would be proud to pass on to others.”

Joining iSwish is free and there are no listing or end of transaction fees.

Visit www.iswish.co.nz for more.

Holy shit, Mexican Michael Jackson fans thrilled!

The record for the largest number of people dancing to Michael Jackson’s Thriller may have been beaten in Mexico City recently.

The event, which took place on what would have been Jackson’s 51st birthday, is yet to be confirmed as a record-breaker by the Guinness Book of World Records.

In order to beat the current record of 242, the organisation must confirm that all present actually performed the entire routine.

Organised by Javier Hidalgo and led by impersonator Hector Jackson, the group is claimed to have reached a whopping 12,937.

“Mexico gave the best tribute in the world to Michael Jackson,” said Jackson.

Holy shit, Japan’s new first lady rode a UFO to Venus!

The wife of Japan’s new Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama has raised eyebrows around the world by saying she traveled to Venus aboard a UFO.

Miyuki Hatoyama described in detail the trip in a book published five years ago entitled Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered.

In the book, Mrs. Hatoyama describes the second planet from the Sun as possessing the qualities of a utopian paradise.

“It was a very beautiful place and it was really green,” she wrote.

The planet Venus is covered with an opaque layer of highly reflective clouds of sulfuric acid, preventing its surface from being seen from space in visible light, and also has the densest atmosphere of all the terrestrial planets.

In short, it possesses all the characteristics of the deepest levels of hell.

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