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September 14, 2009 | by  | in News |
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LOL News!

Holy shit, prepare for your clothes to be torn to shreds!

British fashionistas and stars of the popular television series What Not to Wear Trinny & Susannah are heading to Wellington for a one-off fun-filled fashion EXTRAVAGANZA!

… at Westfield Queensgate.

The style gurus, known for their incredible capacity to reduce the human form into a series of simple shapes, will be performing six shows designed to get people into ship-shape-shop for summer throughout New Zealand.

“We are so excited about coming back to New Zealand, we will be keeping an eye out to see if the ladies we saw last time listened to our advice, and help them work out how to wear this season’s styles to suit their body shape,” the two said.

Whether the two are excited to be returning to Lower Hutt on 5 October remains to be seen.

Holy shit, no love at all for TV3!

It doesn’t pay to be up with the sun if you work for TV3, with the privately-owned network falling short of winning much of anything at this year’s Qantas Media Awards.

Public-owned network TVNZ cleaned up all but one of the primary news and current affairs awards, including Best News and Best News or Current Affairs presenter for Kevin Milne.

TV3 chalked up a single, solitary win for Best News Reporting, with Amanda Gillies’ piece on the Victoria bushfires coming up trumps.

Sacred cow Outrageous Fortune received only one award for Best Script.

Holy shit, some guys drove a van across Cook Strait!

A little bit of a Kiwi ingenuity coupled with a splash of elbow grease has allowed two men to successfully drive a van across Cook Strait last week.

Aeronautic machinists Adam Turnbull and Dan Melling completed the journey last Sunday after converting their Toyota van—called “Roofliss”—into an amphibian Transform-ersesque vessel.

The journey, which took less than six hours to complete, went above and beyond both men’s predictions.

“It’s exceeded all expectation and is handling beautifully,” Turnbull said during the piratey adventure.

Noted criminal Dick Dastardly’s attempt to turn a submarine into a makeshift aeroplane for the purposes of catching a nefarious pigeon were, sadly, less successful.

Holy shit, a naked cowboy wanted to be mayor of New York!

Infamous Times Square oddity, The Naked Cowboy, has withdrawn his bid to be the mayor of New York.

Robert Burck is a tourist attraction known primarily for his near-naked guitar strumming resplendent in white briefs and a cowboy hat.

He entered the mayoral race in July with the slogan, “Nobody has done more with less.”

However, he fell afoul of the city’s Conflicts of Interest Board to the tune of $250 after failing to file a financial disclosure form.

Meanwhile, Salient Editor Jackson James Wood is rumoured to be considering a tilt at Wellington’s mayoralty in 2010.

Holy shit, Caclin could be best student rag in country!

By the time your greedy little eyes read this, the award for Best Publication at the Aotearoa Student Press Association Awards will have been dispensed.

Despite liking its chances, Victoria’s student magazine Salient recognises that it may fall short of claiming the top prize to Lincoln University’s Caclin.

Salient News Editor Michael [all rise] Oliver said Caclin’s propensity for shenannigins made it tough to beat.

“They had this Winter Fest photospread with guys hanging out drinking having fun,” Oliver said.

“We may have covered some important issues this year, but shit, look at this fucking snowboard. Game over, man, game over.”

Expect untenable gloating or nauseating self-pity in next week’s issue.

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