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October 12, 2009 | by  | in News |
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Time and Space to Collapse on itself

Scientists say we’re screeeewed

An incident involving a Victoria Student and a microwave signifies the end of time and space, says Mad Scientist Neo Cortex.

Victoria Student, Elmo Stevenoski, attempted to cook his two minute noodles via microwave, assuming it would be faster than the traditional boil-in-pot-method.

It is widely believed that the noodle cake then absorbed the radioactive beams of the microwave, causing it to spontaneously combust. According to Dr. Cortex, the radioactive noodle cake—which was expelled into space from the explosion—caused a super massive black hole to manifest in the path of Earth’s orbit.

“Unlike global warming (which is make-believe), a black hole is going to seriously fuck the world up,” he said.

What happens in a black hole remains a mystery, however, based on a series of studies involving mice and cheese, Dr. Cortex believes that the consumption of the Earth (by the black hole) will cause a rift in time, allowing past super villains—like T-rex and Charlie Chaplin—to once again wreak their havoc on the world. The split in the continuum will also leave many undergrad students suspended in space, and therefore unable to complete their degrees.

When asked how Mr. Stevenoski felt being the one responsible for ending the world, he replied:

“Pretty gutted eh—that microwave cost me heaps.”

The universe is set to collapse on Tuesday.

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