Viewport width =
March 1, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Ask Candy Badger

Ask Candy Badger

Meet Candy Badger, Salient’s resident advice guru. If you need any help with relationships, flatting, university or anything else, drop her a line at

Dear Ms Beaver

I recently moved in to a new flat and started to fall for one of my flatmates. I’ve only been living with him for two weeks but we’ve gotten drunk and slept together three times already.
It turns out he’s great as a friend but a bit of a cunt when it comes to emotions. His ego takes up too much room in his bed, there’s no room for anyone else; but when he smiles it makes me happy. And I need sex.
What do I do?
Thanks in advance
Flatmate Doer

Dear Doer,
It hasn’t even been one issue yet and you’re already getting my name wrong. Farrr.

Screwing the crew eh. Always a bad idea. Especially with someone who is emotionally retarded. What you really need to do is have a talk with your flatmate—does he see it as just drunk sex, or something more? Us girls can be very silly when it comes to boys and sex—even Candy Badger is silly sometimes. If his smile makes you happy, it sounds like you’ve already fallen for him. Eeeek!

If you can distance your emotions from it, by all means keep sexing him. If not, maybe it’s best that you are just friends.

Good luck,
Candy Badger

Dear Candy,

I think Panic! At The Disco broke up, and I don’t know what to do. I’m a huge fan. Please help!


Dear Panicking,
I did a quick Wikipedia search for you, and it looks like they’re still a band. Albeit one with only two members remaining. Have you thought about other bands at all? Less crap ones? Maybe you could listen to Rihanna. I like Rihanna.

Much love,
Candy Badger.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments (3)

Trackback URL / Comments RSS Feed

  1. Poppy Cock says:

    I just want to say that Badger, you think you have all the answers. You may have met a few “bad boys” in you’re time. But until you meet a real bad boy you don’t know what it’s really like to have an emotionally retarded sex buddy. Despite the good long hard “conversations”.

    Doer: If you’re going to keep doing this, I hope he’s worth it. Remember, you’ll probably hear him poop.

  2. Anna says:


  3. Bad Boy says:

    Poppy Cock, I’m still waiting on that sandwich.

Recent posts

  1. Cuttin’ it with with Miss June
  2. SWAT
  3. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  4. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  5. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  6. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  7. Presidential Address
  8. Final Review
  9. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise
  10. It’s Fall in my Heart

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided