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March 15, 2010 | by  | in Opinion |
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How to make it look like you’ve cleaned the bathroom cheaply, quickly and amazingly

Yo mama shoulda told you this

You need:

Baking soda
Dishwashing liquid
White vinegar
Three sponges or rags
Newspaper
Either a sunny day or all the lights on

Right…

Wipe down all mirrors and glass surfaces with a wet sponge and a tiny blob of dishwashing liquid.

Scrunch up a piece of newspaper and wipe the mirror in a circular motion. Keep rubbing till there’s no streaking (it will start squeaking about halfway through), changing newspaper every time it gets a bit too wet. Do this to all glass surfaces, including windows.

Pick out the dirtiest surface—sink, bottom of the shower, or bath. On that dirty surface, tap out about a tablespoon of baking soda and about triple that of dishwashing liquid. Mix it up with the cloth you used for the glass and move to the taps.

Scrub the mixture over the taps and anything else in the room that’s metal (taps, shower faucets, etc), you don’t need to use much. It will act like Jif but do the job better.

Get a clean damp sponge and scrub/wipe the mix off, trying to polish as much as possible while doing so. Make sure as much of the mixture is off as possible, and all over the basin, shower and bath (avoiding all glass!), then wipe all around it down as well, somewhat sloppily.

Get another clean sponge and put a tiny bit of vinegar on it so it’s just damp. Use it to polish up the metal surfaces till they shine, it shouldn’t take long.

Wipe off any excess mixture from where you mixed it up. Make sure there are no obviously dark smudges in the bottom of the shower, if so, scrub ‘em with the sponge then rinse it down by turning the shower on.

Use a dry cloth to make sure there’s no water on the floor, newspaperey fingerprints, or dust around the handbasin, if you’re feeling enthusiastic.

Chuck all the cloths in the wash and you’re done! Depending on how many mirrors, this can take as little as five minutes, and get you out of doing the dishes for a week. If you’re even lazier and stuck for time, do the taps because they clean around themselves as you do it. Some hotels have been known to only clean glass and taps on a daily basis, because this method is so effective. For extra kudos, give the toilet a squirt of toilet cleaner and lazy scrub with the toilet brush, then leave it unflushed so your flatmates know you ‘went the extra mile’.

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